Money is one of the biggest burdens on couples — whether it be disagreements about how finances should be handled, the pressures that come with making payments on time, or different values when it comes to saving, dollar bills can make any relationship go from stable to tumultuous.
Recently, I was scrolling through the Am I the Asshole subreddit — where people go to share their personal experiences and ask other users who was wrong in the given situation — and found this story by u/throw_709236, which has people split:
According to u/throw_709236, they recently inherited over $4 million from their grandfather's estate after his passing. "After I got over the initial shock, I took the opportunity to finally quit my job (which I really hated), as I don't have any outstanding debts and can easily live off of $40,000 a year," they said.
"I'm pretty introverted and am more than happy to stay at home working on art, music, other interests, and gaming."
However, "Ever since I inherited the money, my boyfriend has been pressuring me to cover all of the rent and utilities — about $1,200 a month — for our apartment and start putting money away into a joint savings fund."
"I would be happy to do this if we were married, but we're not. We've only been dating a year and a half, and I would prefer to keep our finances separate. Despite not working anymore, I still pay my half of the rent every month and have started paying for a housekeeper to come in and clean a few times a week, so our apartment is nearly always spotless and looks great."
"I told my boyfriend he isn't entitled to my money and he said I was being selfish for expecting him to still contribute to the rent when I could easily afford to pay for the whole thing. Am I the asshole?"
Though the overarching votes on the post lean toward the boyfriend being more in the wrong, the comments section shows there's a bit more nuance here than just a plain she's right, he's wrong scenario. For one, only some people agree that it seems as though he feels entitled to her money:
"You're not the asshole," user u/Claim312ButAct847 wrote in response. "And I wouldn't be real excited about his attitude of wanting to be a kept man already.
I could see discussing doing DIFFERENT work but the idea that he should just chill and live off your inheritance? Bad look dude. I have a suspicion the money will last a lot longer than the boyfriend."
A commenter who also has inherited a large sum agreed with u/Claim312ButAct847 by sharing their own experience, and their biggest issue seems to be how shortly the two have dated and how the commitment of marriage would make sharing the money more reasonable:
"This is a serious red flag," u/cwinparr said. "One of the major issues of relationships is money and he seems to think that what's yours is his after dating less than two years.
My parents died and I will be getting an inheritance, too. My boyfriend has made it clear that the money is my money. He wants nothing to do with it and even feels uncomfortable if I use it for a down payment on a house if we get married and move in a few years. He feels that any personal money I use for that should be paid back by him in installments.
I would be wary staying with someone who acts so entitled without even a serious commitment — a long-term partnership, kids, marriage, or whatever."
However, others said they can see both sides of the argument, and believe that one partner living off $4 million while the other partner works may be cause for warranted resentment.
"I can understand where the boyfriend is coming from," user u/b_rouse said. "Imagine if your significant other inherited $4 million and quit their job to pursue hobbies and interests. You work five days a week, coming home to find your significant other playing video games and painting while you're still expected to pay half the rent and utilities. You're asking for trouble. There will be resentment with this big of a lifestyle change."
For those who could see why the boyfriend may be displeased with their current situation, they suggested splitting the rent and other bills equitably instead of equally.
"Lots of people decide on proportional splits, and in the real world of relationships, if I had $4 million I’d feel uncomfortable asking my boyfriend to struggle paying $1K of rent," u/abirdofthesky said.
One user, who goes by u/KarmaaRose, agreed that the partner with the $4 million inheritance should cover the couple's rent but draw the line at setting up a joint savings account. Instead, they suggest using this as an opportunity to allow the boyfriend to build his own savings:
"Personally, if I were you, I would cover the rent and food, etc. for both of you, and let him start saving his money for the future. Then if it doesn't work out, he has a nest egg. If it does work out, you both have some money, so you don't get resentful."
Either way, a conversation is clearly needed:
"You just had a major lifestyle change. Your boyfriend did not. Can you imagine how incredibly shitty this is from the boyfriend’s point of view? Your girlfriend inherited a bunch of money, quit work, hired staff to cover chores, and now spends her days living out her dreams. While you still work your same old 9–5 job.
There’s a huge income gap now, and lifestyles are going to reflect that. Of course the boyfriend is jealous! And anyone on here who says they wouldn’t be is lying. Does that make the boyfriend entitled to her money? Of course not. Does this mean OP and her boyfriend — if they want a future together — need to sit down and have a very frank discussion about finances and lifestyle expectations? Hell fucking yes.
Just because they aren’t married doesn’t mean that they aren’t in a relationship. They fucking live together. It’s at least a bit serious. And they need to communicate like adults," u/tadpole511 said.