Money can cause the downfall of relationships if couples don't discuss how they'd like to split finances, share bills, or handle unexpected wads of cash — which is exactly what happened here.
Recently, I was scrolling through the Am I the Asshole subreddit — where people go to share their personal experiences and ask other users who was wrong in the given situation — and found this story by u/DaBusinessB1, which has people torn:
According to u/DaBusinessB1, who we'll just call Ms. Business, she has stayed home with her kids for the last four years after quitting work due to a disability. "I had plenty of free time after the kids became more independent, and I found myself sitting around all day long. I have a sewing hobby that I learned while living with my grandmother since I was 13. So, I started spending my time sewing," she said.
"My husband made a laughing stock out of me, calling me 'grandma' or 'granny,' and running with the jokes and teasing. It was unbearable, but I ignored him," she continued.
"Anyway, a friend of mine saw some of my works and suggested I open a website and sell what I make," she said. "I was hesitant about it, and my husband's opinion was, 'Mehhh...who would want to buy grandma's junk?' But I asked my friend to help me, and people really liked my works.
"They started buying them off of me, which was shockingly amazing, y'all. I started really investing into this, and in one month, I was able to make over $300. It's been three months now into the business."
"When money started coming, my husband would ask me to buy something or make a restaurant reservation or even fix his car for him. When I refused, he'd say that I have money from my sewing business and should really pay. I decline every single time he asks.
"Yesterday, he showed me a wrist watch online that he really liked and asked if I could pay for it. I said 'no' because I have no money. He pointed out once again the money I have from my sewing business, but I told him that the money was literally 'none of his business.'
"He blew up, saying that I was being selfish and mean and said that the business profit should be split equally between both of us, not just me. I told him he not only mocked me for sewing, he even doubted my potential. Besides that, I do all the work, so why would he expect profit?
"He said that he, as my husband, gets half, and I should really consider it or stop the sewing thing altogether. I laughed, thinking he was messing around, but he left the house, then came back looking pissed."
"His friend called to scold me, reminding me that my husband already 'does enough for me' to be able to find time to sew, and so he deserves a percentage, but I still refused. Now, his family is pressuring me to share the money, but I'm still refusing. Am I the asshole?"
After reading the post — and rereading the post — commenters were split. However, the longer the post has stayed up, the more people have began filing in and ripping the husband to shreds.
At first, the general reaction consisted of readers who felt that Ms. Business' husband was clearly wrong for belittling her business idea and passions, but that she should be willing to contribute financially to the household:
"Your husband sucks for belittling you and discouraging you. But, I assume your husband works and has been bringing in an income that he uses to pay for food and shelter. You got to share in that, didn't you? Your husband may not deserve a 'percentage,' but you're supposed to be in this marriage together. It doesn't sound like you are. If that's the case, end it with him, so you can both find someone more suitable," user u/He_Who_Is_Right_ said.
This line of thinking was quickly shot down by others who felt as though Ms. Business' other methods of contribution, like taking care of the kids, keeping the house together, and more stay-at-home-mom duties were not being taken into serious consideration:
"This is exactly the kind of argument that's been used for decades to degrade women's work in the home. The fact that she takes care of responsibilities at home actually contributes to him being a more productive worker. He doesn't have to take time off for sick children. He doesn't have to do the majority of housework or child rearing. She adds value to his life, regardless of it not being monetary," u/No_Performer7787 said.
"Childcare isn't free," u/Suspiciouscupcake23 said in agreement. "A maid isn't free. Food prep isn't free. Both are doing things to maintain the household. ... Her business was a joke to him to use to mock his partner and belittle the thing that brought her joy. Now, he wants to eat the Little Red Hen's bread without even apologizing or validating her. Nah. Pass."
Similarly, others highlighted the fact that Ms. Business said she took off work due to having a disability, which may mean she receives disability benefits, and therefore, might contribute financially as well:
"She may or may not have disability benefits, so let's not assume her monetary contribution has been zero for four years," u/shhh_its_me said.
And even if she isn't contributing financially, and you erase the fact that she offers a lot of value to the relationship by helping out with the children and home, most people agree that it's a jerk move in general to pick at someone making $300:
"I'm going to be honest. I've been the breadwinner, and I couldn't imagine putting my hand out for half of the $300 my disabled spouse earned in an entire month," u/shhh_its_me said. "That's not even adding in mocking the efforts for months first."
And though a lot of arguments center around the idea that the husband wants his wife to contribute more financially to the household, he did not, in fact, ask for the money to go toward anything but small gifts for him:
"It’s not like he’s asking her to financially contribute to the household in a legitimate way," u/TheRestForTheWicked said. "He wants wristwatches and dinner dates. I’d understand if he was like, 'Hey, maybe you can grab groceries this week” or something like that, but that clearly isn’t the case."
Which makes people think that there's more going on here:
"His insistence on taking the small profit she receives from a business that is just beginning is an attempt to control her," u/No_Performer7787 said. "If the money she was earning was anywhere on par with what he brought home, you might have a point. But Ms. Business has admitted that she is only turning a few hundred dollars profit, and her husband is asking her to foot the bill for big ticket items. That's not 'sharing the profit,' that's a shakedown.
"Honestly the fact that he told her to give him the money or stop working altogether makes me think he just wants control over her income, not that he actually needs her to help out with expenses," u/noblestromana agreed. "I'm surprised people aren't picking up on it."