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12 Things I Wish Someone Told Me When I Was Still At University

Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth.

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1. You will make and end friendships, and that's OK.

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You put so much energy into keeping up with so many acquaintances…why? Are you being paid to entertain these people? Because unless you are, that relationship is clearly one-sided. Over time you will learn to give less fucks and only allocate time and affection to people you care about. There's nothing wrong with that, so don't fight it. 

2. You will regret sleeping through those lectures and not studying, and most importantly you will regret not trying to make a connection with your teachers.

Hey, you know what's actually not so bad? Your degree! I know, I was pretty surprised too when I finally opened a textbook! Kind of stating the obvious, but if you're paying a trolley-load of money for that education, maybe you should try actually tuning in for some of it? Another shocker — your professors are humans too! They do have lives beyond replying to your 'sorry my laptop fell in the bath so I need an extension on that essay' emails.

3. Don't be afraid to try new things — it's OK not to know what you want from life — use this time to figure it out.

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Join societies, explore multiple interests, travel, learn new languages. Figure out your style, sexuality, your career choices. THIS IS THE TIME TO DO THIS. There's a reason the statement 'university is the time for you to discover yourself' is so cliché — it's because it's true, you dum-dum! Yes, marathoning Game of Thrones in the dark with a jar of peanut butter may be more fun in the short-term, but who is it really helping?

4. Form opinions and don't be afraid of voicing them.

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Better debate it and figure out where you stand now, rather than when you're 40 and at a dinner party where everyone is arguing about legal implications of global nuclear disarmament and you are pretending to choke on a cocktail sausage. You're better than that. 

5. Go to lectures!

No, but seriously. Go. To. Lectures. And classes. And social events organised by the societies you've paid fees to be a member of. Even if they sound pants — you'll regret if you don't. (However missing one or two is OK — I'm not a monster)

6. If you're hurting, talk to someone.

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Come closer and I will tell you a secret. Closer. Like creepy, breathing-down-your-neck closer. Ready? If you're bummed out about something, chances are SOMEONE ELSE IS TOO. Everyone is pretending that they're fine, when in reality we're all just trying to keep our heads above water. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. Don't be an asshat, just ask for help.

7. Be nice to your parents.

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You're growing up and learning things for yourself. But dear, you still have so much to learn. Trust me about this.

8. Have fun, but start thinking about your future in your final year.

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Or even your penultimate year. But whatever you do, please don't stress about getting a job in your first year at university. Adult life will start soon enough, don't worry you won't miss out on it. If anything, you will regret not having taken the time to enjoy being of drinking age, but without all the adult responsibilities that come with it. When in doubt, think of what adult life things are ahead of you: ISA's, income tax and weekly meal prep. Yeah, I thought so — enjoy that pint, and sleep through the occasional lecture while you still can.

9. Love yourself.

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Sounds simple, but you will struggle with this all your life. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop worrying. Be kind to yourself. If you ever catch yourself chastising yourself in your head, try this: imagine Donald Trump is saying that to you. Would you take that sort of crap from Donald Trump? NO YOU WILL NOT. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING WALL, YOU MASSIVE TIT. There, isn't that better? 

10. Do NOT get high and fall asleep watching Snakes On A Plane in your neighbour's basement.

This is always pretty sound advice tbh. Always say 'yes' to adventures, unless they involve basements. Or Samuel L. Jackson films. Or drugs. Or all of the above, especially when combined.

11. DO enjoy a summer evening on the roof with all of your closest friends. Definitely don't get too drunk and start crying.

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Again, I'm using my power of hindsight to tell you: please stop. You're being kind of a bummer. Sweet, but still a bit of a bummer. 

12. Try not to fall over so much.

Not sure if this is something avoidable, but hey it's worth a shot.

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