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WHAT DO THE 2016 REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES THINK OF THE NEW LIBERTINES SINGLE?

The Libertines are back with Gunga Din, their first new music since 2004. 2004 also the last year a Republican won the Presidency.

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Chris Christie

“If you want a President who’s going to tell you what you want to hear about the new Libertines single that’s not me. I tell it like it is. Gunga Din combines the least interesting elements of Pete Doherty and Carl Barat’s solo work and effectively strips the band of all its former energy and originality. Even the tempo makes one wonder if the instruments themselves wish to stop playing as the song shuffles from verse to chorus and back again—by the way, there’s JUST a verse and a chorus, THOSE PERFUNCTORY EIGHT MEASURES ARE NOT A BRIDGE LIBERTINES. I think Gunga Din is an Obama Presidency of a single and I’m not going to be backing down on that.”

Ted Cruz

“Ted Cruz here with big news. Put on some dancing shoes, cause Gunga Din is impossible to refuse. With some old school blues, a whiff of booze, and an electric kick that is sure to light your fuse, Barat and Doherty have paid their dues and always amuse. Those who choose to excuse their cynical views confuse Ted Cruz.”

Lindsey Graham

“I’ve never been much for rock music, leave that to the younger folks, but I found Gunga Din completely infectious. The funky verses transition beautifully into the celebratory and mournful chorus, which evokes the sort of barroom rocknroll singalong feel that’s increasingly lacking in music. Carl Barat spits his verse with classic punk rock attitude, bowling you over with his charisma, and by the end we all understand why this song is so magical and yes, so tragic. These guys aren’t kids anymore, it would be disingenuous for them to ape their past. They do sound older. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have a great time--and rock out while doing it.”

Rand Paul

“Boy, you know when I was first asked to give my opinion on the new single by the LIBERtines I thought, how ON RAND!

The idea being that the first two syllables of Libertines are also the first two syllables of Libertarian, so to ask me about the Libertines when I’m a Libertarian—like it’s kind of a pun on the word. And of course it’s On Brand for me, right? That’s what they say when something you do makes sense for you to be doing, it’s On Brand. But my name is Rand. So it’s On Rand. It’s two puns.

In all seriousness though, is Doherty okay? He looks like a pickled egg.”

“Wow what a great song. I can’t tell which part I like more, the section where they sound like boring Clash or the other section where they sound like boring Clash. BAM! Another classic Marco Rubio zinger.”

Rick Santorum

“Actually my name is Rick Santorum, I think you’ve mistaken me for Scott Walker. I ran last time. Did very well actually. Weird you don’t remember. Yeah, no that’s still Scott Walker you’re thinking of. Rick Santorum. SAN-TO-RUM.

*sigh*

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