MELISSA JOAN HART AND ANTHONY ANDERSON ARE TRAPPED IN ANOTHER DIMENSION

But luckily there's a Walmart In There With Them

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You may have noticed if you've been watching much TV this season that Anthony Anderson and Melissa Joan Hart are spending a lot of time together.

Mostly they've been preparing for Thanksgiving and then Christmas with the help of Walmart's great deals and products. But they also exchange witty and competitive banter and one time they interviewed some children.

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MJH interviewing a child.

I understand these are commercials for Walmart, but something has always struck me as off about them and I'll tell you what it is:

Most commercials either have a setting or they don't. Either it's two characters inhabiting a coffee shop or a gas station, or the commercial takes place in creepy commercial land, pictured below:

Catherine Zeta Jones leans against a box of pure energy in Creepy Commercial Land.

Creepy Commercial Land is a bleak, unspecified area of empty space, sometimes populated by floating words or other shapes. You've seen it countless times

These Walmart commercials try to have it both ways by putting two celebrities in what is clearly some variation of CCL but then making them FRIENDS and having them DO SHIT. There are even some sets made to look like Creepy Fake Homes!

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THAT'S NOT YOUR LIVING ROOM, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU

Where could they be? Where could Melissa Joan Hart and Anthony Anderson have possibly gone where they're clearly schilling for Walmart but also have holiday obligations but the obligations begin and end at the edges of their soundstage? Why doesn't Melissa Joan Hart go home to make Thanksgiving dinner? Why does Anthony Anderson have an armchair and a television over to one corner of the soundstage? WHAT ARE THE BOUNDARIES OF THIS UNIVERSE?

If we're to believe the information available to us, the two beloved stars must be trapped in another dimension consisting of only that soundstage and a Walmart.

By day our lost cultural icons pillage the Walmart, long since abandoned to the harsh winds and marauders who populate this wasteland dimension. They scour the aisles for food and supplies, fake trees, Christmas decorations, Playstations and Xboxes, entire sets of cooking ware, Walmart has everything you could ever need to survive the holidays-LITERALLY!

Loaded with cargo, straining under the weight of their packs, the stars of Sabrina The Teenage Witch and Blackish pull themselves arm over arm across a great steel cord connecting the Walmart to the soundstage. The wind attempts to tear them from the cord and fling them across the desert, but they hold fast, soon arriving once more at their new home and prison.

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The soundstage from the outside.

They spend their evenings decorating the space as warmly as they can in an attempt to forget the heartbreaking feeling of having been ripped from the ones you love and thrust into this deathscape the only redeeming quality of which seems to be an extremely affordable Walmart.

They speak into the cameras about how much they love Walmart for helping them through the holiday season, all the while neglecting to mention they are doing this work for nobody but themselves. It seems the only way they can cope is to spend their lives in a constant state of preparation for a massive family celebration that will never come to fruition.

Is Walmart To Blame?

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No.

I do not believe Walmart created this horrible dimension, they merely discovered and exploited it, like the Tesseract.

Is this our apartment or a commercial? Or a Beckett play?

I am an optimist and believe the new year will bring about the return of Melissa Joan Hart and Anthony Anderson. They strike me as holiday spokespeople, soon to be liberated from their terrifying predicament. I do not believe these two are the new permanent spokespeople for Walmart, I think that would be very strange.

I will say though that I am happy to see Melissa Joan Hart getting some work.