I Am The Grinch: A Poem I Accidentally Wrote While Watching Jim Carrey's Grinch

I set out to write a post called "In Defense Of Jim Carrey's Grinch Movie" and instead I fell off the edge of reality.

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When I sat down to write this post it was going to be about my belief that How The Grinch Stole Christmas is an under appreciated Holiday classic and in fact a good movie. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

For some reason I chose to brainstorm ideas for the post by watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas and simply taking notes. I can only describe the result as a religious experience.

The movie and I established some unholy connection and I wrote constantly for most of the film. I FILLED ELEVEN PAGES OF MY NOTEBOOK with barely legible and barely coherent half thoughts and weird commentary and I have little conscious memory of the period.

this is the notebook

By the end of the movie I was crying and How The Grinch Stole Christmas was my favorite movie. Now this opinion confuses me. Clearly something special occurred.

The notes are sometimes boring and sometimes terrifying, but at no point do they approximate an appropriate buzzfeed post. Still, I knew there was magic in these words, that they had not come from me but rather through me.

So I did some editing and arranging and I've discovered a beautiful expressive poem that spans the arc of my passionate relationship with this flawed and powerful movie. I say discovered because I believe the poem was always present in the notes, I merely freed it. Enjoy.

1.

Narrated by Anthony Hopkins!

THE VISUALS- THESE 50'S WEASELS

Oh the dad thinks Christmas is all consumerism

Love this Grinch exposition from the teens

Uh Oh this movie hates women

2.

This part is genuinely scary

I LOVE whoville

I'd love a Grinch who actually murders. Gory Grinch.

TAMBOR

Grinch looks too scary in his cloak.

Great sneeze joke

3.

Wait actually its really sweet-wait is it? Grinch saves Taylor Momsen.

She loves the Grinch!

Very sexualized Christmas light scene here.

Dog is a great supporting character.

Potpurri=Soup

IS THIS A MUSICAL???

4.

SHE'S SO CONFLICTED ABOUT CHRISTMAS!!

TINY HEART! HE'S shrinking his own heart! Great joke.

God what a lonely movie. I identify so much with the Grinch. I am the Grinch.

Eats glass. Every joke is hilarious.

Grinch= Heathcliffe?

5.

Did Baby Grinch witness the whole key party?

I am very attracted to these women with Who noses

TAMBOR OWNING

Movie hates women.

I AM THE GRINCH

So then he became a scary boogeyman because of this? Okay.

I have made peace with the Whoville/Grinch dynamic as it stands in this movie.

I AM THE GRINCH

6.

Hate hate hate, double hate, loathe entirely.

Hitting himself with a hammer. Yeah dude I get it.

WTF is the book of Who?

Oh to be a little girl with a great speech in a family movie.

Grinch screenwriters also wrote Wild Wild West.

7.

This scene where she's not scared of the Grinch is really adorable.

Vain Grinch

Petty Grinch

How old is the Grinch?

Literally the only reason you think this movie isn't good is that somebody told you it was a kids movie. It should have been marketed to depressed adults.

Weird scene.

8.

This was actually a really bad idea on Cindy's part.

Creepy Grinch.

Halfway point of movie.

I can't wait for Christmas eve.

You should really see Whoville in the summertime.

9.

But how?

God bless that dog.

That dog looks great with the antler.

Yeah this is a movie for depressed people in their twenties.

The Grinch is about to start stealing Christmas I'm so excited.

I'm the Grinch.

10.

Bro somebody really directed this movie, like that's a compliment.

Almost crying no joke.

I don't have much to say right now because I'm so enjoying watching the Grinch steal Christmas.

Mayor scolding a little girl.

Strap in it's time for a kickass monologue.

I want a titular line!!

11.

Help me I'm feeling!!

Grinch crying. This is so sweet.

Super Grinch.

Okay I'm actually crying.

This sleigh does look great.

Still Crying.

Grinch Carving Roast Beast.

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Merry Christmas