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    17 Hacks To Help You Survive A Wedding

    Love is patient, love is kind, love will make you sit next to the bride's great-aunt-in-law and want to stab yourself with a salad fork.

    1. Smuggle in your booze bridesmaid-style.

    You'll need it during the half-hour vows the happy couple wrote each other on parchment paper.

    2. Or, for a slightly less subtle approach, invest in a wine purse.

    Just make sure it matches your dress. Available here.

    3. Don't sweat giving a toast; there's a handy Mad Lib for that.

    Available here.

    4. Buy heel protectors so your shoes don't sink into the grass or get ruined by cobblestones.

    Their slogan is, hand to god, "Stay High On Grass."

    5. Prevent slippery soles from bringing you down.

    All you need is sandpaper and you can dance to your Rihanna-loving heart's content.

    6. Dispel static cling with a wire hanger.

    Chances are there'll be one nearby.

    7. If you lose or forget cufflinks, a binder clip will serve in a pinch.

    8. Tie a bow tie (for yourself or for someone else) in a hurry.

    So much more dapper than a tie.

    9. Follow the gospel of Andrew WK.

    Many, many more tips here.

    10. If it's an open bar, avoid eternal shame with this app.

    It's called DrinkTracker and it serves as a handy on-the-go Breathalyzer.

    11. Banish wine mouth with these incredible wipes.

    Available here.

    12. Get rid of deodorant stains with these guys.

    13. Think you don't know how to dance? Wrong.

    This is the entire dance to "Thriller." But what if the song they're playing isn't "Thriller," you ask? Quiet.

    14. Remember someone's name when you've totally blanked.

    I've used this trick, also described here, several times to rousing success. If you're seated next to your friend's college roommate's one-night stand or the groom's little sister who randomly came to your housewarming that one time, and they're all, "OMG it's so great to see you, [your name]!!" and you can't remember theirs, just ask what their name is. Chances are they'll tell you their first name and be a little hurt you didn't remember. BUT. Then you come back and say, "No, no, of course I remember that! I meant your *last* name." This, for some reason, is way more forgivable, and they'll chuckle sheepishly that they ever doubted you, and now you'll have both names.

    Alternate methods include introducing them to someone whose name you do know and hoping they'll say their own in turn, or just acting like a regular human being and asking point-blank. Whatever man.

    15. Vet your potential wedding hookup carefully.

    The more you know.

    16. Combat a hangover with these easy tricks.

    All that garter-booze can wreak havoc. Find the full list here.

    17. And if the wedding happens to be yours, and you'd prefer to never forget your anniversary, you might consider this little number.

    The ring warms up every year on your anniversary. You're very welcome.

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