1. Oh no.
2. So dry.
3. Is that food, even.
4. Cool plate.
5. My mouth wants to cry but it's too parched.
6. Dividing it into quarters won't make it go away.
7. WHOA is this really a thing?
8. Okay, I guess?
9. Keep doing what you're doing?
10. That's better.
11. You tell 'em.
12. Don't do it, fat pigeons!
13. It won't even make you skinny!
14. It's shaped like Illinois, if Illinois made you want to remove the roof of your own mouth.
15. There's not enough water on the planet to quench this thirst.
16. Even Spock can't save you.
17. Your life will cease to be anything but a handful of arid crumbs, scattered meaninglessly across the unthinking world.
18. Good effort.
