1. An easy way to clean up after a messy day is to toss your baby in the wash.
2. Potty training is tough. Eliminate all that pesky distance by permanently installing your baby in a toilet.
3. Even if your baby doesn’t like it, they are a member of this family and have to contribute as such.
You think Daddy and Mommy like going to work every day?? DO YOU???
4. No hands free? No problem.
5. Who needs costly and clutter-inducing toys when your kid can just play with a massive pile of money?
6. Or the Internet?
7. Promote parent-child bonding by unleashing bodily fluids on one another.
8. If you need help Having It All, simply invest in an extra set of limbs.
9. Do you know how babies are made? This is how.
10. Oh wait nope never mind, THIS is how.
11. Here’s an idea for a DIY meal you can whip up with things you already have around the house.
12. There is no tradition more beautiful than the Father-Son Hedge-Sniffing.
13. You know what babies aren’t up to date on all the latest baby news? Loser babies, is who.
14. Looking to have The Talk with your child? A good place to start is the mall.
15. The nice thing about kids is if you don’t like the one you have, you can always turn it in for a new one.
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