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The 19 Worst Crimes Ever Perpetrated Against Pumpkins

They're just innocent lil gourds, leave them alone. (NSFW, unfortunately.)

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1. Any time a pumpkin is made to look like it's vomiting.

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2. Any time a pumpkin is made to look like it's vomiting A DIFFERENT FOOD.

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3. When a pumpkin is forced to toke against its will.

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4. Or to eat one of its brethren.

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6. Or a human.

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This one's a double whammy.

7. Two words: Punkin' Chunkin'.

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I know, I know, it's a well-loved cultural event filled with laughter and drinking and merriment, but THOSE POOR PUNKINS. They never dreamed they'd one day grow up to be projectiles.

8. When a pumpkin is used as a canvas for the immature.

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11. Or the downright obscene.

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12. When the noble name of the pumpkin was besmirched for this hoax.

13. Whenever someone sees fit to make a pumpkin resemble a human butt.

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14. Especially if there is underwear involved.

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15. Especially if there is ~this~ involved.

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16. That goes double for men's genitalia.

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17. And quadruple for what's going on here.

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18. WHEN PARENTS STARTED PAINTING PICTURES OF PUMPKINS ON THEIR POOR HELPLESS OFFSPRINGS' TUCHUSES.

This is a REAL TREND and it MUST BE STOPPED.
Getty Images/iStockphoto paulrichstudio

This is a REAL TREND and it MUST BE STOPPED.

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