1. Pants are a social construct.
spongegifs.tumblr.com
One is not born a pants-wearer, but rather has pants thrust upon them.
2. Dogs don't have to wear them.
Getty Images/iStockphoto WilleeCole
So why should we???
3. They're well-nigh impossible to remove when you really need to.
4. (That is, if you can even manage to get them on in the first place.)
Getty Images Brand X Pictures
5. You have to put them on when you wake up to go to work.
Getty Images/Hemera Karam Miri
And it is well-documented that the only things worse than pants are going to work and having to leave your bed.
6. They bunch up at the most inopportune times.
7. Not to mention ripping.
Getty Images/iStockphoto ottoflick
8. You know who invented wedgies? Pants.
9. And when you sit down they cut into your middle like they are trying to squeeze you in half.
Getty Images/iStockphoto Jochen Schönfeld
Look how morose she is. Pants did that.
10. They don't allow adequate freedom of movement.
11. You have to cuff them and tuck things into them and it's all just so. Much. Effort.
12. Sometimes they look dumb.
Getty Images Jupiterimages
Even if the wearer does not.
13. They claim perfectly respectable dresses as their own.
gifbin.com
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, crotches are the worst.
14. And if you are a wearer of dresses, you already know that they are a far superior garment.
15. If you are not...
Getty Images/iStockphoto Don Bayley
...then I'm afraid there's just no recourse for you.
16. They act as a barrier separating the world from butts.
retro-fiend.com
Even though butts are, scientifically, the #1 best thing.
17. Besides, the best things in life don't require pants anyway.
Getty Images/iStockphoto jomoba