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    Posted on Dec 29, 2015

    I Wonder If That Woman From "Magic Mike XXL" Is Still In That Sex Swing

    Bring her home.

    It's entirely possible that the entirety of Magic Mike XXL was in fact a fever dream that genitals around the world conspired to have in July of 2015.

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    And a welcome fever dream it was.

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    It humped all of our faces. But, mostly, it humped all of our hearts.

    The film's climax alone is arguably enough to sustain humanity until the sun collapses into itself on the day of Channing Tatum's death.

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    But we need to talk about that woman they stick in a sex swing during Big Dick Richie's number, who may very well be there to this day.

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    The woman, played by Sonya Golub, is clearly living her best life – fake-marrying Joe Manganiello with supreme goddess Jada Pinkett Smith blessing the proceedings with her glow.

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    They have their cute fake nuptials — and then he throws her in a sex swing and has his simulated way with her to Nine Inch Nail's "Closer."

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    Sample lyrics: "I want to fuck you like an animal/I want to feel you from the inside/I want to fuck you like an animal/My whole existence is flawed/You get me closer to God." It's almost existential.

    Big Dick Richie does his thing, and then the movie moves on to Channing Tatum humping the sadness out of Amber Heard*.

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    *This is an actual plot line!

    But through reaction shots of Big Dick Richie, they make it pretty clear that lady is still in that sex swing what feels like an eternity later.

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    When did they let her out? At the end of all the performances?

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    At the end of the convention?

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    Is she still there?

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    Is she comfortable?

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    Wherever she is right now, still in that sex swing or not, I hope she speaks of this day.

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    What a day it was.

    She is a champion in the name of us all.

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