1. King life is known for its bountiful snacks.
If I were king, and didn't have to work, I'd just have a crudités and cheese platter on the table all day long and just grab some constantly
2. And opportunities to celebrate yourself in all of your kingly glory!
If I were King of Atlanta, there would be weekly parades celebrating my greatness. No, wait, DAILY parades. No slacking in MY Atlanta!
3. A king chooses only the most trusted scholars for his inner circle.
If I were King, like Game of Thrones style, Leeza Gibbons would be my most trusted advisor bc she's so wise.
4. Kings can also hire and commission music for their courts.
If I were King, I'd make my favorite musicians release a new album every 4 months. It'd be watered down garbage, but I'd probably be happy.
5. Or issue frivolous decrees.
If I were King all chairs would have arm rest
6. But they also have to oversee things like the criminal justice system.
If I were king of Earth, George Zimmerman would have had to fight Kimbo Slice to the death.
7. Fortunately, most aspiring kings are gentle.
If I were king, I'd where a ring, and never hurt my people
8. And deeply committed to the pursuit of truth in their kingdoms.
If I were king, all stories on candidates would have to include the actual historical effects of their policy positions on the not rich.
9. Kings must have the cunning to strategically disempower rival nations.
If I were king, I'd put monkeys on every beach. This way, Costa Rica wouldn't seem so damned important...
10. But there's fun stuff like introducing new holidays on a whim.
If I were King, the Monday after Superbowl would be a National Holiday.
11. A king must hone the leadership skills to rally his people around a cause.
A new Poltergeist, a new Ghostbusters. If I were king, I would outlaw all Hollywood remakes. I think there should be a national boycott.
12. The king must guard against all forms of tyranny.
If I were king. I prohibited #javascript.
13. And alway provide reasonable justifications for his legal decrees.
If I were King, I would outlaw personalized license plates. Because they're dumb.
14. Kings must balance punishing their subjects with rewarding them.
If I were king TSA would reward weapon free travelers with free mimosas
15. And commit to principled causes for the good of the kingdom.
If I were king, I’d protect our natural beauty and the starry heaven above | Andrew Motion http://t.co/1Dzs09Bi2v
16. If they don't watch themselves, they start mandating excessively cruel restrictions on the peasants.
If I were king of the world, we'd all be vegetarian and celibate.
17. And devolve into sadistic brutality because of the power they wield.
If I were king of the world, I would build you a day & smile just to rip it all away
18. Such kings would stop at nothing to maintain their stranglehold on power.
If i were king of the world for one day. ID RULE TO MAKE IT PERMANENT.
19. And eventually, these power-mad kings watch the world burn just because they can.
If I were king for a day, I'd make sure there was no fucking tomorrow