1. Your childhood role models foretold your future as a slob.
2. And since before you can remember, you've found strange comfort in the feeling of food on your skin.
3. Fortunately, a revolutionary movement has begun.
4. You weren't immediately sure you were grimy enough.
not sure if misappropriating slob culture, or am actual slob #slobcore
5. But you knew you were truly cut of slobcore cloth after it took you years to realize that "The Golden Rule" was not just another name for "The Five-Second Rule."
6. Socks are just one of many items you've found a way to repurpose to accommodate your sloth.
7. No tissues within arm's reach of the recliner? No problem.
Relationship status: Crying into my cat.
8. The slobcore value system won't let you be shamed for a little thing like using your clothes as dry-good storage.
eating dry cereal from my sweater, to which it had been stuck for some time, in well lit open plan vice office. #slobcore.
9. You've never met a food product that wasn't dramatically improved by adding marshmallows.
10. This isn't a mug of biohazardous spoons; it's a cool hot tub for spoons to hang out in.
11. You know firsthand that there's no truth in advertising.
12. So you're not afraid to make bold fashion statements that defy conventions of style and hygiene.
In triumphant #slobcore, last night, instead of a dress,I wore the filthy men's sweater I use as a robe to a party. Paired it with stilettos
13. You defend your rodent infestation as charming evidence that you're in touch with nature's creatures.
14. While nicknaming showers "Traitor's Rain" was your bold attempt to mobilize for the slobcore ethic.
"Serious drought" is my new excuse for not showering. #slobcore
15. "Our preferred term is 'Ladies of Leisure'!" you've snipped at the slanderous mention of "couch potatoes."
16. And when the Netflix robots called you out on your slovenly lifestyle, you were admittedly irked.
17. Especially since Halloween is the only night per year that you can eat your signature Lap Candy Salad and binge-watch horror movies without judgment.
18. The other days of the year just sort of run together in a mildewy haze.
I don't remember the last time I put on panties. #slobcore
19. As a slobcore activist, you'll keep defying the standards of both the patriarchy and the Center for Disease Control.
20. Because thinking about the next generation of slobs who want to revel in filth free from tyranny brings a tear to your makeup-encrusted eye.
21. Frankly, you can't wait for you and your comrades-in-crust to take the movement to the next level together.
22. Because rolling around in putrid laundry is always better with a friend.
