1.
When a dude hits on you and your shady disapproval must be very clear.
2.
When a fool texts, "You up?" after ghosting two weeks earlier.
3.
When a guy hits on you and you like it but you have to throw in just a little shade to make sure they know your deal.
4.
When your therapist says "Tell me more about that" for the 27th time instead of giving you advice.
5.
When he asks, "Did you come?" when you so obviously didn't.
6.
When he does make you come but then acts like some kind of hot shot who invented grilled cheese all morning.
7.
When a house guest doesn't compliment your phenomenal taste in patio furniture.
8.
When someone says, "You don't look it!" about your age as if you give any fucks.
9.
When asked, "So what was your last relationship like?" at an inappropriately early time in the courtship.
10.
When a suitor does anything short of abandoning all his goals so he can worship you after seeing your on-point platinum job.
11.
When a suitor does anything short of abandoning all his hobbies to worship your adorable dark brown bob.
12.
When you look like you're ready to accept your Oscar/Nobel/Pulitzer hybrid and he's still in his bathrobe.
13.
When some goober in a totally normal bar asks, "What's a gal like you doin' in a place like this?"
14.
When some idiot is trying to steal your unicorn but can't even figure out how to mount it properly.
15.
When someone is wearing the same shirt as you but wearing it with insufficient moxie, thereby giving your shirt a bad name.
16.
When some asshole's cell phone rings during your perfect wedding.
17.
When your other kid is acting a fool because she think you're concentrating on the kid in your arms.
18.
When a doofus catcalls you and his line is so lame that you can't even be bothered to waste your best shade on him.
19.
When you see people eating and jumping in the pool before thirty minutes have safely passed.
20.
When some peasant is talking smart to you and you want to unleash the shade but you know it is better to wait.
21.
When someone says your dress is too low-cut when you had absolutely not asked their opinion.
