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Shaving Your Legs For Spring As Told By Lumberjacks

*Revs up chainsaw*

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Warmer weather is approaching, which means the lazier people of the world are expected to deal with the leg hair they've been ignoring all winter.

But it's an exciting time, because there's no better feeling than soft clothing against freshly shaven skin.

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Like, your legs are about to feel hella smooth... like a baby.

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You pump yourself up by scoffing at your leg manes because they won't even know what hit them. Or maybe you cry a little. It's really hard to tell beneath all that hair.

When you realize how much ground you have to cover, you feel slightly overwhelmed. It's okay though, because you will power through it and you WILL PREVAIL.

"Smile until you feel better." - Kimmy Schmidt.
Flickr: clement127

"Smile until you feel better." - Kimmy Schmidt.

You get to hacking, because you want to rock your new sun dresses sans hobbit feet, dammit!

But then your first swipe clogs your razor.

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Springtime means dulling the blades of three razors on just one leg.

The areas of the shower that allow you to shave without getting pummeled in the face with faucet water are both rare and elusive.

You pretty soon start to regret putting your body through this. You wish to hold it close and whisper in its ear that everything will be okay, but you can't whisper into your own ear, so you quietly sob instead.

At some point, the thought crosses your mind that you could knit something spectacular out of the leg hair rolling off your body. But then you remember that's gross and not really accepted in society.

100% all-natural, hand knitted scarf. Made from pure human leg hair. *shudders*
beardowear.com

100% all-natural, hand knitted scarf. Made from pure human leg hair. *shudders*

Your roommates try to ignore your screams of horror when you knick yourself. They're pretty much that guy on the right.

If you can't hear it, you don't have to deal with it.

You quickly realize that you're going to leave the bathroom a bloody, jacked up mess.

RIP legs, spring 2015.
Flickr: post-postmodern

RIP legs, spring 2015.

You get to the point where you've spent 20 minutes on one leg and you just can't even anymore.

You don't care if you come out looking like half of a Chewbacca costume, you want out.
Flickr: kendrak

You don't care if you come out looking like half of a Chewbacca costume, you want out.

You curse the evildoers who invented rubbing blades against your skin to rid yourself of body hair.

DARN YOU PATRIARCHY, I SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN WITH MY PICK AXE.
Flickr: 90369723@N00

DARN YOU PATRIARCHY, I SHALL HUNT YOU DOWN WITH MY PICK AXE.

You start to ask important questions.

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Why am I doing this? Is it really worth it? Was I really meant to be a lumber- uh, body shaving human?

You get out of the shower, and you realize that you've missed obscenely large patches. Like, your legs might as well be quilted.

*This post does not condone deforestation.
Flickr: wak1

*This post does not condone deforestation.

But it's okay, because despite your patchy body tresses, you look hella good anyway.

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Some things are just better with hair.

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Even if the hair is all over your body.

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