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12 Settings We Wish Netflix Actually Had

"Grunt to continue watching."

1. A system that tells us which episodes we should skip. Star Trek

Procrastination time is precious and frequent and best not wasted on nonsense.

2. An option to mask your reflection with a photo of an attractive person so you don't have to see your shameface in between episodes.

Flickr: wiedmann /

Oh no, here we - Oh thank god.

3. Options tailored to your nonproductive viewing experience.

With an option for complementary wine pairings as well.

4. A cuddle buddy delivery service. / / Starkid Productions / Nickelodeon /

Benedict Cumberbatch, on demand.

5. Occasional reality check-ins every five episodes or so.

Noooooooooo. Except yesssssssss.

6. A "continue watching" option that didn't require us to click. Or move. Or Speak.


7. Magically appearing food so we wouldn't have to exert energy rummaging through cabinets.

Yes Netflix, obviously I would always like fries with that.

8. Honesty. We all know why playback timed out, Netflix, just say it.

RIP computer battery.

9. And then an alarm to prevent us from falling asleep with our face pressed against the screen.

Ughh FINE, Netflix. Now play next episode.

10. A pacing system that would allow us to better coordinate binge-watching with binge-eating.

Finishes food before show is over, pauses and gets more food. Finishes show before food is eaten, starts next episode. And so the cycle begins.

11. A reimbursement policy for the hours of our lives wasted on shipping characters who never get together.

Netflix WILL be held accountable for its crimes against fandoms.

12. An automatic excuse generator that would allow us to get out of plans and watch more Netflix.

Bye, Felicia.

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