We asked the members of the BuzzFeed Community to share their stories and advice about their experience being in a three-person relationship. Here are some of their most engaging and insightful replies:
1. "I've been in my throuple for almost five years (two females and one male). Many people high-five our guy for getting two girls. They see it as an accomplishment for him but assume that we girls don't also love each other. The three of us own property, share finances and have legal documents to protect our assets and future children. Although we can not legally all be married, we treat each other as such. I love my spouses and there are many benefits. Their families are accepting and wholeheartedly involve me as a complete equal. My parents are not as understanding."
"There is now, unfortunately, tension with my parents as they try to 'save me.' Because of my parents' comments and attempts to bring me 'home,' we are not very close and I purposely keep myself from the rest of my family (except for my siblings who are close with my spouses) so that my mother does not lose her inheritance from my grandparents. It hurts that my mother would choose money over having a relationship with me and my spouses. Other than that, I truly have never been happier, more accepted, and truly loved than being with the two of them. I can't wait to one day grow our family and be able to provide so much more opportunities for them."
—Anonymous
2. "I was in a throuple for six months with a man who first left his wife to be with me, then introduced me to his wife (they were co-parents) and when I admitted I found her attractive, he suggested a throuple situation. I was 21, he was 31, and she was 27. They ended up leaving me on the same day and they stayed together 10 more years after. I was their bandaid."
—Anonymous
3. "I met my partners on a dating app. I originally thought I was talking just to the guy, but after about two weeks of messaging on the app, he brought up the fact that he had a girlfriend and 6-month-old baby and that they were looking for a woman to be their partner. It took me by surprise, but I was willing to give it a try. We clicked and after about a month, I ended up moving in. The guy also had a teenage son from a previous relationship who lived with them and our throuple was not 'out' to his son, so I slept on the couch most nights and was introduced as a friend."
"After a few months, the atmosphere in the relationship changed. My partners were hiding things from me and would leave me at home with the baby and be gone for hours without telling me where they were going. It turned out that they were cheating on me with the guy’s business partner in my condo that I let them use to get work done away from the kids. It was bittersweet to leave because I loved their baby like she was my own, but that relationship was so toxic."
—Anonymous
4. "I was dating this guy for about two months before he told me he was married and was going back to his husband. His husband wanted to meet me so we all hung out and I hit it off with the husband as well. We all dated for two years when I found out they had cheated on me with a mutual friend of ours. The mutual friend told me he felt bad and thought I deserved to know. The friend and I are now engaged and always laugh about how much better the sex and relationship is with each other than it ever was with those guys."
—Anonymous
5. "I was in a throuple relationship (two females and one male) with an abusive guy. We both left him and just married each other. It was the best decision of our lives. I encourage anyone who wants to try poly dating to give it a try. I still love the idea of it. You can never have too much love in your life."
—Anonymous
6. "My husband of 20 years and I have been in a throuple for three years. We wanted to try exploring more sexually, so we hooked up with a few different guys together. The last guy we hooked up with is the man we are currently in a throuple with. We bought a house all together and continue to grow as a throuple. It requires lots of communication and understanding."
—Anonymous
7. "I had been dating girlfriend #1 for several years, with an open relationship from the start. Then I started dating girlfriend #2. We all got along really well. After I had been dating girlfriend #2 for about a year, I was going through a very hard time, and the two of them conspired to surprise me with a threesome as a way to cheer me up a bit. Afterward, girlfriend #1 (who always identified as straight) realized she was attracted to girlfriend #2 and they started dating separately."
"We were all dating each other for probably about six months when girlfriend #2 broke it off to work on another potential relationship with someone else. When that didn’t pan out, she and I resumed dating but they didn’t get back together. Within about a year, girlfriend #1 dumped me, and then girlfriend #2 ended it about two years after that. They’re still close but neither of them talk to me anymore."
—Anonymous
8. "My spouse and I have been together for nearly 20 years and we've tried being poly twice. The first time the third person was originally into both of us and we all fell in love. Then they just sent a message saying they couldn't give us what we want with no real explanation. It broke my spouse's heart and I was angry at the person for that."
"The second time we hooked up with an open couple we'd been friends with, they were jealous of our close relationship and tried to split us up causing tension, they were both extremely toxic. Both of their ideas of a poly relationship were different from ours. That was the mistake of not communicating wants and needs. The other couple wanted free babysitting and housekeeping. It's put me off poly completely, I don't have the energy for other people's BS. My spouse is free to have relationships with others but I only do hookups with no strings."
—Anonymous
9. "We’re a happily married couple with three kids, living in Southern California and we decided to explore non-monogamy. We love each other very much, have been married for 16 years, and felt ethical non-monogamy could offer growth that we both needed. We ended up meeting a couple from the Northwest. Before we knew it, they had flown down to Cali for a sexy weekend together. After months of exploration with them, the wife decided she was no longer happily married and wanted to join our relationship. My wife realized she was also bisexual on this journey and we became a throuple for a period of time. We had many amazing times, lots of steamy sex and eventually she made plans to move to California with her kids. We live in a very conservative neighborhood, with many kids, and our neighbors would never guess what was actually happening behind the scenes."
"Unfortunately, after a period of time, and serious discussions of her moving here with us, we decided it just wasn’t going to work and ended it. We’re now in a relationship with another couple, which is an even better situation. But we still look back on our time as a throuple with fondness and a lot of learning. It caused difficulties at times in our marriage but non-monogamy has made our marriage, and view on life, better and more well-rounded. We’re grateful for that time!"
—Anonymous
10. "My wife (I’m a bisexual woman) wanted to try it. I was somewhat open to the idea as I thought it would spice our life up and make us closer. We chose someone who was close to me. At first, it started great, but then, they became separated from me and more in tune with themselves which presented huge issues. I told my wife if she wanted to continue doing it with her, I wanted to find my own that whom I could connect with. There was so much more between them than just typical sex. There were secret conversations and feelings that I was completely unaware of. They were trying to remove me from my marriage! Eventually, my wife changed her mind and even though this was two and a half years ago we are still working on healing…I would be open again, but not with anyone we were close friends with as it was a complete disaster."
—Anonymous
11. "I am in a polyamorous trio, a triangle, so all three of us are in equal relationship to the others, as opposed to a 'v' or 'hinge', which are words used to describe three people where one is in a romantic relationship with two others who aren't. The only 'secret' about successful polyamory is that it's not actually very different from monogamy. You need to be able to trust your partner(s) and you all need to be able to communicate, set and respect boundaries, and as with ANY relationship — romantic or otherwise — it works best if you have common interests or hobbies!"
—Anonymous
12. And lastly "My husband of 40 years is gay. I am a straight wife who married a gay man at first as a transactional arrangement but later we grew to become loving companions. Our marriage provided cover to advance in his military career. In return, my husband provided me with a comfortable life and a promise of children. After 40 years of marriage, I consider my husband my best friend and soulmate, to which we both agreed to stay married. Once our children had grown, started families of their own, and my husband retired from a long military career, we decided to find a bisexual man to join our marriage."
"After several years of searching that included many disappointments, we found a young bisexual man in his 20s. My husband and I immediately fell in love with him. He has been living with us for the past five years. He gets along well with our children and our grandchildren adore him. The three of us have contemplated exchanging vows. Though it would be mostly ceremonial and not at all legal. My husband and I truly do believe you can have more than one soulmate in a single lifetime."
—Anonymous
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.