We recently asked the married people of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us why they had an affair. They responded with stories including the good, bad, and ugly. Here are the wildest ones:
1. The unsympathetic husband:
"My mom had died and my husband was extremely unsupportive of everything, including responsibilities that came after her death. Imagine being at the lowest of the low and the person who is supposed to be your biggest support does everything to tear you down. So I found comfort elsewhere and that was on my ex's big dick. I regret nothing."
—Anonymous
2. The revenge affair:
"I caught my husband sleeping with sex workers. It was a few years ago when he was doing it. He kept lying about things I already knew the answers to. I wanted honesty and didn't get it. I found myself curious, wanting justice, and wanting to feel loved again. I had affair with great sex and chemistry that showed me I deserved so much more emotionally. I'm not proud, but my affair helped me find myself again after infidelity."
—Anonymous
3. The mom and the grad school professor:
"I got pregnant at 16 and later married my child's father at 21. At 24, I went to grad school and totally had the hots for my older professor. He would talk to me during stressful periods and was very accommodating about my situation. One night, he was looking over an assignment of mine and something just flipped. It was seemingly innocent at first, but then it felt hot and steamy. Funny thing was, it made my sex life with my husband that much better. After two years, I finally felt ready to end it when I found out I was pregnant. I told both partners separately and they agreed to be there no matter what. I ended up working things out with my husband. Funny thing is, it’s been three years and I still don’t know who the real father is."
—Anonymous
4. The husband on Craigslist:
"Three months after giving birth to our son, my husband complained he wasn’t getting enough oral. I was a first-time mom and learning how to be a mother, a wife, and work full time, all while recovering from my C-section. I found out a few weeks later that on his lunch break from work, he met a random woman on Craigslist for some oral fun. We are currently in counseling, but will most likely be divorcing."
—Anonymous
5. The intolerant husband:
"I was raising my niece who was mentally challenged and had fetal alcohol syndrome. Her mom was not in the picture. From the moment we dated, I let my first husband know we were a package deal. Two years in, and we could finally buy a house and I said we need a room for her. He said, 'If I thought you were serious about her I never would have married you.' It took me ages to get him to sign divorce papers but at that moment, as far as I was concerned, the marriage was over and I took care of myself, and yes, spent time with others. It may not have been morally right, but I don’t regret it."
6. The pregnant wife predicament:
"I wasn't the married party, but I was the other woman. The affair happened with my colleague. We worked a high-stress job that involved heavy drinking after shifts. After spending so much time together, we both fell in love. I moved overseas because of guilt and to give him space to think. He admitted he loved me and wanted to leave his wife, but she got pregnant and didn't tell him until she was so far along that an abortion was basically not an option. I severed all contact at that point. I run into him at parties every few years and it's pretty apparent he feels trapped and discontent."
—Anonymous
7. The affair with a motive:
"I had an affair because my partner always said, 'The only reason I would ever leave you would be if you cheated on me.' I had been trying to drive him away for years, but stuck around for our child's sake. I was hopeful that it would work and he'd finally let me go, but I still wound up having to walk out myself after he found out."
—Anonymous
8. The closeted lesbian and the hot boss:
"I had an affair five months into my marriage. I grew up in a small Southern town with very little LGBTQ representation. I rushed into the marriage with my husband who is great, but has an EXTREMELY overbearing family. I then proceeded to fall in love with my boss from the moment I laid eyes on her when I began a new job. I hurt a really great guy in the process. However, I do not regret the confidence in who I am now that I know I am a lesbian. I also got out of a situation with his family that could have turned out to be extremely toxic."
—Anonymous
9. The backup plan:
"I haven’t actually hooked up physically, but I’ve 'sexted' and kept several men on the hook, as sort of a backup plan in the ever-increasing possibility my marriage doesn’t work out. The reason is because I don’t respect my husband. I’m more educated and plan on grad school this fall. My career is more successful even though we are in the same field and he has a decade more experience. I take care of my body and he just doesn’t care. He guilt-trips me when I want to spend time alone, or pursuing my interests. Basically I’m independent and he isn’t even on the same level as I am. I’m honestly not even sure why I married him in the first place."
—Anonymous
10. The makeover:
"I'm a 42-year-old mother of two and I recently left my husband. Our issues began a few years into our marriage when he had an affair with his close friend from college. We worked through it and we were problem-free for the next three years. A few months before I started my affair, he started acting very weirdly. He encouraged me to dye my hair, change the way I dressed and such. I realized he was trying to make me look like his friend from college. I got really upset, distanced myself from him, and actually started seeking comfort from my best friend. I fell in love with her and left my husband."
—Anonymous
11. The unforgettable girls trip:
"I have always been attracted to women, which is something that my husband was aware of. I have always fantasized being with a woman. One day I met someone who started as a friend and we got very close. We took a girls trip and let’s just say my lesbian fantasies came true. I did feel terrible afterward. I justified it to myself with the fact that the person was a woman and not another man. It did happen a few more times, but we stopped eventually. At this point, I still feel guilty about it, but I try to just not think about it. However, I appreciate the sexual experience I had with a woman, which is something I should have done more of before getting married."
12. The out-of-their-league coworker:
"I wasn't planning on cheating on my now ex-wife. We were happy until a very attractive coworker came on to me at a company party. I was shocked she was interested in me. We slept together once when my wife was working and I was hooked. We carried on for over a year and my wife never found out and honestly, I never once felt guilty."
13. The emotional cheating:
"The affair didn’t begin as a conscious decision. It started as a conversation with someone who validated my feelings and listened. It was definitely an emotional affair. Afterward, I was able to see what was lacking in my own marriage. We were growing apart and leading separate lives. My husband was also holding onto grudges I had no idea existed. It boiled down to communication completely missing from our relationship. Since then, we started checking in with each other, and we wipe the slate clean if there’s anything lingering we may have missed. We’ll be married 20 years come fall."
14. The great escape:
"My husband and I were going through a bad patch and it was horrible. I bumped into my ex one day who had walked out on me 10 years before and I had never gotten closure. All the passion was still there and I immediately started an affair with my him. I also really got off on sneaking around. I was planning to leave my husband. I got my bags packed and tickets booked for my ex and me to sneak away, but a friend had seen us together and told my husband who confronted me. The look of betrayal and heartbreak on his face immediately snapped me out of any feelings I had for my ex. I immediately regretted everything and couldn't believe what I'd done. My husband took me back and we've made it work. We’d never admit it, but my affair was the best thing that could have happened. It made us appreciate each other."
—Anonymous
15. The matchmaking friend:
"I had been with my husband since high school. After 10 years and two kids, it felt more like we were roommates than lovers. There was no sex and no affection. One time I went with my best friend to meet up with her boyfriend and his friend. Later, her boyfriend's friend told her that he couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful I was and wanted to see me. She knew of the problems I was having with my husband and hooked us up. It was a very short-lived affair as I felt so guilty about it, but I have to admit feeling desired like that after so many years felt amazing."
16. The married friends who found each other:
"My ex refused to get help for his crippling depression. I told him it was affecting us. He said it is what it is, and he wasn't willing to help me or himself to do anything about it. Meanwhile, a good friend was beginning a divorce process and we bonded over talking and supporting each other. We left our spouses to be together and we are so happy and in love."
17. And the running buddies:
"When I was married, I met a man and there was an instant and intense attraction. We worked together for about four months, and we flirted but nothing happened. Cut to three years later, my husband and I were having problems. After having my second child, my husband stopped seeing me as a woman and more of just a mother and friend. He rarely wanted to have sex. I tried talking to him and dressing sexier, but he didn’t think there was a problem. After about six months of this, I ran into the man again and the attraction was definitely still there. We started meeting to run and gradually the flirting intensified and we ended up having an affair for a few months. I told my husband, we tried to make things work, but then I realized I just couldn’t be married anymore. I've been happily divorced for five years. My ex-husband, me, and his new wife have a great coparenting relationship and I’m still friends with the guy I had the affair with."
Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.