Spooky szn is now over, meaning we've only got a couple of months left in this year! This month went by so quickly, you probably missed a lot of these hilarious tweets, so enjoy them now!
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
one cool thing about dating men in your twenties is that you get to experience motherhood
2.
i wish gays hung out at places where we can sit down
3.
"Do i look high?" "Nah do i" "Nah" Us:
4.
The pot that I left to "soak" watching me leave the kitchen
5.
Life has been so hard lately and my stress levels are sky high. As I’m approaching my breaking point my 6 week old daughter looks at me and says “mommy how can you lose if you’re already chose……like?” and I had no answer
6.
Head of hr saw me smoking weed outside
7.
I told my parents that sometimes I take a mental health day and don't go to work and you would have thought I told them I do hard drugs in back alleys at night
8.
STOP using Halloween as an excuse to dress slutty - dress slutty every day
9.
"is this the krusty krab?" patrick:
10.
sorry for fire reacting your mental breakdown i thought you were doing a bit
11.
12.
i really wanna know what part of the script prompted her to do this
13.
do british flat earthers say the world is apartment?
14.
i’ll just memorize the songs and listen to them in my head don’t piss me off https://t.co/tpwNs1QrKU
15.
Me trying to make friends 😭😂😂😂
16.
17.
interviewer: there’s a considerable gap in your resume me: i was a stay at home daughter
19.
if i was an actor and the first movie I did had me filming a sex scene w my tits flopping about just to get a 26% on rotten tomatoes well i would kiII myself on good morning america
20.
watching a woman calmly check her covid status (positive) on her laptop at balthazar with a dirty martini at 11am in the morning
21.
POV: you’re a famous painting in a museum
22.
that one unemployed friend at 4:52pm on a tuesday
23.
I faked passed out and my 3 year old daughter didn't call 911.., she punched me in my face and yelled "you can't die right now that's ridiculous!" 😭😭😭
24.
Saw a hot muscle gay talking about his “body dystopia” 🥲
25.
my and my friends on our way to be silly
26.
“these are ur best years, you’re young and full of energy” me after lunch:
27.
The fact that I took my nephew to Starbucks and he’s there asking the barista if he can have jollof 🤦🏾♀️
28.
your unemployed friend at 2 pm on a wednesday
30.
Y’all be like MOTHERRRR and it’s ellie goulding
32.
My houseplants watching me put water in the espresso machine
33.
senior year of hs a girl w a “be gay and do crimes” shirt told on me for cheating on my spanish final and i had to APOLOGIZE to the CLASS while she silently cried because i had put her in such a traumatic situation?? 8 years have gone by and my resentment is unparalleled
34.
I hate vapes so much you can be having a conversation with someone they’ll blow strawberry shortcake smoke right in your face.
35.
"Wow Peter Griffin is so funny on Family Guy I wonder how he does it!" Uhhhhh yeah no shit that's because of his trauma
36.
When you list NYC/NJ as your location we know which one you mean.
37.
i am BEGGING my roommate to stop talking crazy online. he runs a stan account and if he gets doxxed i canNOT be collateral😭😭
38.
no one: lois griffin:
39.
work is silly cus whats a sexy woman like me doing here
40.
"ur so quiet" yea i don’t make sense when i talk
41.
imagine u gettin kidnapped with a stuffy nose and they tape your mouth
42.
squirrels when they see a car: i am going to kill myself
43.
I just can’t be having kids they too permanent I like to cut ppl off
44.
went on to goodreads to give this book i read a five star review and then i went to the comments and can't find any other rating above 1 star. did i read it wrong
45.
😭😭😭
46.
Ne-Yo the kinda bald that piss me off. Not even the cool kinda bald, he’s just a malicious, villainous kinda bald
48.
49.
(not sure what capitalism is) i know , it sucks. i hate when letters get big
50.
found a tampon in his car and was like “who’s fucking tampon is this?” and he was like “idk yours?” im trans. https://t.co/ltsxdhba30
52.
so.. wtf was the musical they was doing in high school musical even about?
53.
cucumbers when they realize there’s a charli xcx poster on the wall and a towel on the bed
54.
idc if vans aren’t good hiking shoes i’m not gonna look lame in front of the squirrels
55.
the way i genuinely wouldn’t have enjoyed the song if she hadn’t done this
56.
idk girls i think i like him
57.
Gays have no perception of distance they’re like hehe you should come see me in Australia
58.
denormalize the grind and start normalizing whatever this is
59.
columbia is a crazy place because I just watched a freshman say "can I finish?" to our professor who has quite literally won a pulitzer
60.
ngl this new recession is a lil scarier than the one in ‘08 cause i was in high school so that was my parents problem…but now that im on my own
62.
scrambled eggs for breakfast 😋
63.
Confronted by traffic all day
64.
I didn’t realize how many guys I slept with until I had to name my son.
65.
Just lost custody of my kids what’s the move for tonight
66.
Go get the new adult happy meal ladies, thank me later 💅🏼
67.
My elbow watching me do a full skin care routine on my face.
69.
The Try Guys editor having to edit that one guy out of all their shit:
70.
Beyoncé & Rihanna are touring next year, it’s time to get serious
71.
Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a fucking second
72.
why did fred do this lmao
73.
you’ll watch Hocus Pocus WHAT? https://t.co/34rXDlXNSL
74.
burning sage & my mama talm bout, "I can’t breathe😭". I bet you can’t demon
75.
u can really tell she had been holding that one in for a WHILE
76.
women be like “my head hurts” and ain’t ate shit all day except starbucks
77.
Call me a hater but I wanted Candace to at least get Phineas and Ferb caught in that backyard at least one time
78.
Sorry we're late my wife and I Could Not stop fucking
79.
the Starbucks drive thru worker said “welcome back”
80.
this cannot be the same brain that earned a bachelor’s degree
81.
the slay is coming from inside the boots
82.
you ever be in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives
83.
I think about this tweet often
85.
“can you explain this gap in your resume?” yes that is when i was happiest
86.
ima sign out 💀
87.
Jasmine was in her bag when she made that rice
88.
I hate when teachers put "?" on graded work, cause idk what's going on either
89.
i really don’t give a fuck anymore
90.
The scariest thing about Halloween is that rent due at midnight