Time has been flying by, and somehow April is already over! Before we start May, enjoy some of the best and funniest tweets from this month:
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
i be fighting for my life just to get to fullscreen on 123movies
2.
happy 3 year anniversary of this iconic tweet
4.
I was in the drive thru and told the girl to give me a second, then I asked if she was still there why did she turn the mic on and said “where I’m gone go” when I say I was in tears bro
5.
finally a gender identity for me
6.
I was on a dating app and a guy jokingly wrote “what should we name our first child?” as his intro message and I had to tell him that in fifth grade I lost a bet to my best friend Hannah and have to without question name my first born child Megatron and then the man unmatched me
7.
This is a failed assassination attempt https://t.co/UcUW6YJbno
8.
Never thought I’d see the day where y’all would start a broke off https://t.co/mgbQfVZKWh
9.
ahead of her time
10.
an actor giving their all in a scene and crying and falling to their knees only to be fated to be used as a reaction video clip in a tweet by user balls1000 with the caption “forgot my lunch at home”
11.
ur honor, i zoned out what
12.
so gospel songs are diss tracks made for satan ?
13.
Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.
14.
We all got that one homie who is an irredeemable piece of shit
15.
if biden cancels all student debt i will put up a gold framed picture of him in my living room like he's jfk and i'm catholic or somethin
16.
A guy my age was telling me how happy he was that his wife just gave birth to their fourth child then was like “sorry, don’t mean to brag” and it’s like, oh no worries, your life literally sounds terrible to me
17.
my mother, staring down at my open casket: is that what you're wearing
18.
third base is telling him what happened when you were 19
19.
i’m crying so hard rn why tf would my friend text a plug like this
20.
at a certain age having a twin is childish asf, like you’re 26 be fr
21.
love the vet. love to hear the staff keep saying “the patient” and it’s a lizard.
22.
phoebe bridgers fans will be like “let’s fucking gooooo” and then play a song about crying at pasadena city college
23.
Imagine being a squirter in the 1600s and they call you a witch
24.
If u got 14 haters why not make it 16 this summer? For my ted talk i’ll be explaining how to make these hoes SICK
25.
i let him hit bc he is surrounded by an aura of tragedy
26.
27.
schools be Iike: bullying: 🤷🏾♂️ racism: 🤷🏾♂️ homophobia: 🤷🏾♂️ airpods: 🤬 chewing gum: 🤬 wearing hats: 🤬
28.
😭😭😭
29.
I told my sister that if she ever wants to smoke weed that I’ll buy it for her & she can smoke w me ....... Tell me why she told my fucking mom I offered her drugs and now I’m blocked by my family AGAIN
30.
One thing about 3pm is she is the end of the day
31.
I’m screaming. Just went to the doctors and they told me my iron count is 7. It’s supposed to be at least 150. I’ve just been existing on vibes 😭
32.
Do not say “should I call out” around me, I will always say yes and I’ll even give you various stories to choose from
33.
an irish person offering to pay the bill at the restaurant:
34.
My mom cried because my little brother got into USC… where was this energy when I got into Glendale Community College ???
35.
[in the back of a police car] the light’s green you can go
36.
My mom is trying to set my sister up with her neighbor, a 23 year old college student in 3 inch lululemon shorts wearing a GaGa tank top….
37.
It’s 1am and there’s a drunk girl in KFC crying because all they have on the menu is chicken and she doesn’t want chicken
38.
I’m not bout to argue with a b!tch born in 2003 🤣🤦🏼♀️ go watch cocomelon hoe
39.
people be giving directions like “head south” LMAO ok lewis and clark
40.
wax pens are too convenient it’s not even 7am yet & I’m in orbit around Mars
41.
every A24 movies
42.
“y’all require men to check all these boxes” the boxes : having a job
43.
one time in college i was so mad a guy rejected me i updated my facebook status to "who even really cares" and it wasn't until a week later i realized i posted that on the anniversary of 9/11
44.
(flirting) can you lay on top of me and crush me with your entire body weight
45.
OMG one of my friends has been bitching for weeks about this dude who ghosted her after several excellent dates. Turns out he died last month 🥴
46.
therapy is not enough. i need to fight my dad
47.
“shark infested waters”…. you mean their home????😭
48.
“i was bullied by everyone in school” well were you being weird
49.
One time I was moving really heavy patio furniture for a restaurant job that paid me $2.63/hr and my coworker said “fuck this,” walked away, and neither I or anyone I knew saw her again.
50.
me at any house party: 💃🏾 how much is ur rent ?????
51.
Gonna move to ny get a barista job and a dog walking job and struggle to survive while I live with someone named after an inanimate object and get cancelled for being emotionally abusive after asking them to clean to get the full experience.
52.
i hate how you can’t wear anything nice in Ireland, i wore flares to college once and a lad in my course asked me was i planning on joining Little Mix
53.
The little red balls in front of Target came loose and started rolling towards me and my family. Luckily I had a gun
54.
55.
if sea turtles tried paper straws they would understand
57.
My friend group
58.
Why are we limiting chips and salsa to Mexican restaurants? Why can't we serve them at Italian restaurants? Banks? OBGYN offices? Uniqlo?
59.
this man jus promised me the world so idk where y’all gon live but it’s not here
60.
he listens to his WHO?
61.
my mom finally figured out what the grammys are
62.
11am is an insane time for breakfast to stop being served. You want me to eat a McDouble at 11am??????
63.
I’m so impressed by people in their 20s who got a divorce. You made a commitment, broke a commitment AND hired a lawyer in the same decade that I couldn’t figure out what to do with my hair.
64.
(about to invent gargoyles) babe the cathedral looks great. how can we get a little fucking freak on the roof.
65.
literally cannot forget this girl I went to school with whose instagram bio was “Cincinnati ✈️ Northern Kentucky” What was the airplane for queen
66.
i know exactly how i want to die. i want to get hit by the carpool karaoke car so james corden will have to stop doing it