We're about halfway through February, but there have already been a ton of hilarious, top-tier jokes from Twitter this month! There's no way you'll read all of these without chuckling, so enjoy!
And follow the accounts that made you laugh so that your Twitter feed is that much better!
1.
“euphoria day!!” there used to be a time were sundays were for GOD
3.
i get so annoyed whenever ppl call kids evil but then i remember when i was 8 and had recently seen mean girls for the first time, and i got yelled at by my mother so i wrote “slut” on a scrap of paper then left it on her bed for her to find. so ig i’ll let y’all have it
4.
"What percent you on?" First of all this my charger
5.
how do people live in LA? aren't you worried about running into james corden
6.
are u serious or are u being camp rn
7.
girls will be like, “i love a man with style” and it will be avoidant attachment style
8.
had such a tough day at work today
9.
i hate people that say “it’s too early to be eating that” WHAT TIME DO A STOMACH OPEN?
10.
“I’m free February 14th” well duh you tweet about tv and films daily
11.
Our system is shit. I’m 24 and only have two years left on my moms health insurance. Then, I have to find a new mother
12.
i’m never “coming out” to anyone ever again. if you can’t tell i’m a little gay then that’s on you
13.
At least 4 of my pill bottles say “may cause dizziness” so before you’re mean to me online consider that I might be the dizziest bitch in the world ok
14.
at the end of the day, it’s night
15.
icarly was right when she said live life, breathe air, somehow we’re gonna get there
16.
Running towards the bus before it left was one of the most embarrassing things ever
17.
Sorry I didn’t reply to your email. It is Saturday and you shouldn’t have sent it.
18.
kanye talks about pete davidson like he’s Dinkleberg
19.
Apartments will show you 44 pics of the lobby. Bitch I ain’t living in there.
20.
This man looked at my “444” necklace and goes “Wendys. Nice” FUCK
21.
i don’t irish exit, i american withdraw (make a big show about leaving and then linger indefinitely)
22.
me when I’m 75: is he in our grade
23.
i remember i was broke af and a chick found $20 in my car it was so hard acting like i aint need dat shit
24.
Tracking number isn’t enough, I need to be on the delivery drivers private story.
25.
Y’all be arguing on the same app I watch porn on
26.
Made a joke about Al Gore inventing the internet in class today and I thought the joke fell flat until a girl spoke up 5 minutes later and asked if that’s why they call it an algorithm
27.
since y’all so free feb 14 go see a therapist
28.
FaceTimed her and someone in the back said “ew that’s him?”
29.
Omg…what
30.
“WyD oN vALenTiNeS dAy” going to work its a Monday lmaoo
31.
Not having had covid yet is starting to feel like a new type of virginity
32.
guys I cancelled my netflix subscription im so excited to finally own a house who knew it was this easy 🥰
33.
She let me hit cus I have an inherent sense of wonder
34.
Caught omicron from my therapist. Never thought my first breakthrough would be Covid.
35.
My cousin caught her dude cheating, she put her iPhone in his car and did “ find iPhone” on her sons iPad and found the girls address. My granny said “you doing all this detective work, imagine if you went to college and applied yourself ..” 😭😭😭😭
36.
Disney made turning 16 such a big deal I turned 16 and my life went to shit
37.
the vibrator died while Brian and I were fucking and this mf said “and now it’s time for the acoustic set” 💀💀
38.
big news, my bodega guy promoted me from “boss” to “my brother”
39.
Waitress said “wow” after I ordered
40.
I'm not downloading no new apps, if Twitter and tik tok dies that's it I'm fucking free
41.
“who hurt you?” me bro i overthink.
42.
[watching porn] I hope they stay together
43.
yall will be like “idk why i’ve been so unproductive recently” and then someone asks whats going on in ur life and u list four lifestopping crisies and then say “yeah but it should be fine! :)”
44.
Once a toddler learns “Why?” It’s all over
45.
College was so fun because everyone was so supportive of whatever lie you were telling about yourself
46.
dogs be walkin under ur feet Iike they’re tryin to collect workers comp
47.
KSJSKDKDODD
48.
don’t bite the hand that fingers u or however it goes
49.
I told my 6 yo we were having sandwiches for dinner. He told me he did too much homework to be eating a sandwich for dinner. 💀💀💀🤣🤣😂
50.
Hinge will be like “we think you’re compatible with someone that is ugly”
51.
just once i’d like a pregnancy test commercial where the woman screams “FUCK” and smashes her apartment to bits
52.
dudes are like "hey i have a girlfriend now so i can't talk to you beyond fire reacting every one of your stories"
53.
interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume me: yes that's when i didn't have a job
54.
phone so dry i be checking tomorrow’s weather
55.
oh ur in her dms?? 🤨🤨 well shes doing her british accent in front of me