30 Songs That've Aged Really, Really Poorly

Some popular culture references in songs just don't age well.

1. "Got me looking so crazy right now (your touch) / Got me hoping you'll page me right now, your kiss"

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Beyoncé's 'Crazy In Love' (2003). Didn't everyone have a mobile phone in 2003? Not Beyoncé – she was still waiting for a beep from Jay-Z, then she'd nip off to find a payphone.

2. "We watch things on VCRs / With me, you talk about big love / I think we're superstars"

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The xx – 'VCR' (2009). Not all that "superstar" if you haven't moved onto DVD by 200-and freakin'-9.

3. "Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door / And started whooping her ass worse than before"

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Eminem – 'The Real Slim Shady' (2000). Well, quite. Rap historians of the future will puzzle over a line that was already pretty grey around the gills at the turn of the century. Pam and Tommy probably couldn't remember who they were themselves.

4. "Shake it like a Polaroid picture"

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Outkast – 'Hey Ya!' (2003). Polaroid limped on until it announced it was terminating production in 2008, before starting again, but let's face it – no one except pop stars who think they're Andy Warhol has taken one since 1983.

5. "Who mobile phone gives him the bone / Who very keen on Sharon Stone... Who wouldn't be seen at bedtime / Without putting Calvin Kleins on"

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Blur – 'Globe Alone' (1995). Damon Albarn couldn't have rooted this song deeper in 1995 if he'd given it to Black Grape.

6. "You make me wanna throw my pager out the window... Have AOL make my emails stop"

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Destiny's Child – 'Bug-A-Boo' (1999). Clearly, Beyoncé had always been big on pagers – and spam-friendly email clients.

7. "I remembered you were nice / But you were fitter in your MySpace picture"

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Scouting For Girls – 'Fitter In Your MySpace Picture' (2013). No one's expecting Scouting For Girls to spearhead the zeitgeist, but any reference to MySpace – no matter how many times it relaunches – is always going to be outdated.

8. "In America, The land of the free... where the President, is never black, female or gay"

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Morrissey – 'America Is Not The World' (2004). How silly do you look now, Morrissey? No, we mean the lyric.

9. "Pictures came and broke your heart / Put all the blame on VCR"

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Buggles – 'Video Killed The Radio Star' (1979). Pretty modern for 1979, of course, but nothing dates like a snapshot of the future.

10. "Solo, I'm a soloist on a solo list / All live, never on a floppy disk"

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Rage Against The Machine – 'Freedom' (1994).

"What are floppy disks, grandad?"

"Well, little one, they were a digital format that could hold at least a quarter of a single MP3."

"What's an MP3...?"

11. "You don't have to watch Dynasty / To have an attitude"

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Prince – 'Kiss' (1986). Prince is utterly fearless about dating his records, from creating an anthem that's been obsolete for 14 years to referencing the hottest TV show of the moment. Think Breaking Bad with shoulder-pads and immobile hair.

12. "And although it seems Heaven sent / We ain't ready to see a black President"; "They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone"

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2Pac – 'Changes' (1998). 2Pac hasn't always been dead. Once upon a time he was living in a world where a black President seemed impossible and a mobile phone was a gadget from outer space. The things his hologram's seen...

13. "I'm at a payphone trying to call home / All of my change I spent on you"

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Maroon 5 – 'Payphone' (2012). TWO THOUSAND AND TWELVE? Goodness knows what the kids thought of this one. If the kids would ever be seen dead listening to Maroon 5, obviously.

14. "Man, living at home is such a drag / Now your mom threw away your best porno mag"

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Beastie Boys – '(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)' (1986). Ah, such sweet innocent times, when one suspiciously sticky magazine was passed around the whole school. Now it's all at the click of a suspiciously sticky mouse.

15. "U2".

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Billy Joel – 'We Didn't Start The Fire' (1989). Billy Joel's strangely angry history of the United States baby boomer period from 1949 to 1989, taking in everything from James Dean to JFK to the moonshot, is all very well until he gives a shout-out to U2. Who they?

16. "Beep me 911 or call me on my cell phone / I'll call you back"

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Missy Elliott – 'Beep Me 911' (1998). At least Missy's got a cell phone too, which puts her one step ahead of Beyoncé, but she should unclip that pager from her trackie.

17. "Or am I just one of them damn amateurs / Working the damn camera filming one of them / Paris Hilton home-made pornos / Who keeps tilting the lens at an angle"

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Eminem – 'My First Single' (2004). Nothing dates like a Paris Hilton reference, does it?

18. "The waiter just took my table/And gave it to Jessica Simpson"

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Pink – 'So What' (2008). OK, maybe a Jessica Simpson reference does.

19. "Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis / When I was dead broke, man, I couldn’t picture this"

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Notorious BIG – 'Juicy' (1994). Bless Biggie, all wide-eyed and fascinated by a couple of games consoles you'd barely fit through the front door now.

20. "Verizon, Sprint, Metro, even Boost / Nextel talkin’ on the cell in the coupe".

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Warren G – 'Ringtone' (2008). No, me neither.

21. "The Telex machine is kept so clean / And it types to a waiting world"

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Boomtown Rats – 'I Don't Like Mondays' (1979). Bob Geldof chose his first state of the world address to show off just how 'hip' to the new technology he was. "Telex machine"? "Silicon chip"? Whatever next? Horseless carriages?

22. "Kodachrome / You give us those nice bright colours / You give us the greens of summers / Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah!"

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Paul Simon – 'Kodachrome' (1973). The sadly defunct Kodachrome was seemingly big news in 1973, but Rhymin' Simon's song had the shelf life of a Libertines reunion.

23. "Leave your message on the ansaphone... But I don't want to cry / Or talk for hours to a machine"

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Pulp – 'Ansaphone' (1995). Never knowingly cutting edge, Jarvis Cocker perfected his kitsch with an instantly dated hymn to voicemail's daddy.

24. "Name it, rate it, tune it, print it / Scan it, send it, fax – rename it / Touch it, bring it, pay it, watch it / Turn it, leave it, start - format it"

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Daft Punk – 'Technologic' (2005). Remember faxing documents? Or formatting disks? No, of course you don't. You're not 130. People weren't even doing this in 2005.

25. "Fucking with me ‘cos I’m a teenager / With a little bit of gold and a pager"

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NWA – 'Fuck Tha Police' (1988). Pagers again. Naturally, NWA were perfectly entitled to have one in 1988 – they were probably even ahead of the game; I don't think my dad had one 'til 1989. Still, these are the pitfalls of namechecking tech.

26. "I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills / With a trunkload of hundred thousand dollar bills... We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past down / There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on"

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Bruce Springsteen – '57 Channels (And Nothin' On)' (1992). Fifty-seven whole channels, Brooce? Rad.

27. "It's been hours seems like days, since you went away / And all I do is check the screen to see if you're OK"

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Britney Spears – 'Email My Heart' (1999). Sure, we all use email still, but there's a special cringe factor to naming it in song. Britters thinks she's being all 'modern', but even your nan was on email in 1999.

28. "Every day I get a brand new show / Off TV, record and radio / I breeze with the sleaze on my cassette / 'Cause I got the affirmative".

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Bow Wow Wow – 'C30, C60, C90, Go!' (1980). Hang on, this isn't out of date. Cassettes are cool now.

29. "Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson / Courtney Love, and Marilyn Manson / You're all fakes / Run to your mansions / Come around, we'll kick your ass in!"

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New Radicals – 'You Get What You Give' (1998). No doubt Courtney Love still winds everyone up, but Hanson? No one will ever understand why Gregg Alexander wanted to kick their asses in. A whole year after their hit too.

30. "Golden oldies, Rolling Stones / We don't want them back / I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mac".

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The Reynolds Girls – 'I'd Rather Jack' (1989). Stock Aitken Waterman-sponsored sisters Linda and Aisling Reynolds spoke for a generation here – but they never foresaw Haim.