The 26 Stages Of Learning To Drink
It's a rite of passage, right?
Alcohol's been on your radar for a while. You probably had a sniff of whiskey as a kid.
You have realized why your parents drink wine.
Maybe they let you have a glass of wine with your dinner.
You try and style it out with older friends at school. Yeah, you've totally been drunk. For real!
But it's time to do things properly. You form a plan.
With your fake ID, you approach the pub. Totally inconspicuous.
The bartender sees right through you.
So your friend with a beard gives it a go.
No luck. To the corner shop!
Where you choose a suitably classy beverage.
And then carry your spoils to the park. Or a house party. Anywhere, really.
As you get tipsier and tipsier, you are having the time of your life.
Your friends are the most glorious creatures.
This is what you think you look like.
But actually, it's more like this.
Probably accompanied by this.
But your friends keep an eye on you until it's time to go home.
The next day is mixture of pride and shame.
You wake up with a creeping sense of unease.
Though you're feeling rotten, you're still going to tell everyone you know.
You're cagey about boozing for a while though.
But then you learn your limits.
And finally learn how to drink just the right amount every time.
Well, almost every time.
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