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    This Scene From "The Little Mermaid" Will Ruin Your Childhood

    Sebastian is a slimy old crab.

    The Little Mermaid was my obsession when I was a kid. I forced my mother and sisters to watch it with me every single day of 1990. Eventually, I grew bored of it. Haven't thought about it for probably two decades...

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    But I recently rewatched "Kiss The Girl" and it's weird and I need to talk about it.

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    It all starts with Sebastian. Even though he basically helped raise Ariel, he takes the role of wingman for possible sea pirate Prince Eric. It's uncomfortably sensual for a crab.

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    Sebastian giving the "I like to watch" vibe is truly horrifying.

    He leads a turtle massage parlor as "percussion" to set the mood. Oooooookay.

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    At least the turtles seem happy about it.

    Also, Ariel is LITERALLY a girl. She's 16 years old and thinks she's found true love with a stranger.

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    But it's not true love. Eric is only attracted to Ariel because she temporarily has legs.

    Ariel has all these lovely qualities — curiosity, independence, and spirit — but Eric doesn't know because HE'S NEVER LISTENED TO HER TALK.

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    This is not OK. Read this and tell me it's OK.

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    There is actually only one way to ask her, Sebastian. It involves words.

    It's also terribly sad that the whole reason Ariel wants a kiss is because she wants to become permanently human, which means abandoning everything and everyone she's ever known.

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    Meanwhile, all the local animals (who are basically total strangers btw) rise to the surface to ogle this underage couple on their journey to the Bay of Bone-Gal.

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    Up in the tree we've got a bird with a smarmy middle-aged human hair part getting all titillated.

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    These slimeballs make kissy-faces and howl at the moon.

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    The turtle doesn’t seem to know so I will forgive him.

    These horny-looking ducks... erm.... e...e...elongate?

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    Aaaand at the very end, Sebastian starts choking his "chicken."

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    I know — It's a seagull — but it's pretty weird that Sebastian gets aggressively excited on watching his mute 16-year old boss make out with someone.

    Do yourself a favor. Wipe this song from your mind. The more you think about it, the worse it gets.

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