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1. Using first-person pronouns in your essay hurts your teacher's soul.
2. It's called an ESSAY, not an ASK-AY. Questions have no place in your essay outside of quotation marks.
3. You know how contractions are an informal way to shorten two words? Is your essay informal?
4. You think your unplanned essay makes perfect sense, but really, we all see what you did there.
5. Y'know how you think vague sentences that start with "many people" or "some people" are a good idea?
6. Your thesis sentence needs to be the last sentence in your first paragraph. Check. Is it there? Are you sure?
7. Be cautious when making sweeping, generalized, and unsupportable statements. I'm pretty sure every school in America does NOT have a soda machine.
8. Almost anytime you use "it," "that," or any other vague pronoun, you're missing an opportunity to use more specific words. You need those varied and specific words to add voice, sophistication, and LIFE to your essay.
9. A conclusion is where you set the mic down, not where you pick it up. Make sure your whole paper has been about the ideas you review in your conclusion, not a long introduction for it.
10. USE EVERY SECOND OF THE AVAILABLE WRITING TIME. If you're consistently getting done early, then you might need to add more prewriting time. If you're always running out of time, then you might need to add more prewriting time. See what I did there?
In the end, you'll need to work on cultivating a voice that is confident and declarative. Fake it until you make it. Be bold (or at least sound that way).
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