When you hear about gap year, what words immediately pop into your mind? Travelling? A lot of sleep? Finding yourself? Or maybe lots of crazy parties?
Well, although having taken a year off, I didn't experience any of it.
In Poland, and probably also in many other countries, medical university is the hardest university to get into. It's extremely prestiguous, which is no wonder why: the health has been and always will be important, so there would be no problems in getting a job with a nice payment after the studies. Therefore, the stakes are high.
So you study hard during high school, and take the final exams, hoping you'll be one of the luckiest to get in and have your dreams come true (or at least get yourself a financial stabilization for the future). But... having checked all the lists of accepted to every medical university you'd applied to (because it would be really naive to apply to just one, don't be stupid and pay your application fee) and it turns out you're not on any of them. You didn't make it. So what now?
Obviously, you should cross your fingers and wait for the results of second and third intakes, which take place during Summer, so basically the fun is over for you. And let's say you're still out of luck.
And, before you start freaking out and be mad at yourself by reflecting on every moment that you'd spent on something rather than studying during that year, like sleeping, consider all your options. First, you can pay for your studies. Not you obviously, but your parents, because what person that had just finished high school would have that much money to pay for it by themselves? So the first option is to take thousands of złoty from your parents – each year, of course – and try to stop the pangs of guilt appearing because of it.
The second option is to just give up and pick another subject to study. This option is in my opinion the easiest, if you picked the job of the doctor just to have a lot of money.
And there's the last option. The Gap Year. The year, during which you can revise and study, and after all that – try again. Take final exams once again and hope that with those results you'd finally get into medical university.
And this is what I chose.
I've wanted to be a doctor for a long time. I used to be one of those kids who wanted to help old ladies cross the street and burst into tears when they saw somebody hurt. I still am like that (although it is slightly harder to help elderly now, considering they usually think I'm after their groceries). And my dream has always been to help people actively, not just by donating money – which is, undeniably, also an important action. I've wanted to help people get better, somehow make a change. Right now I'm volunteering in a nursing home, and it helps my conscience a lot.
So as I explained, I've really cared about becoming a doctor. But unfortunately, although having studied really hard for the exams, my name didn't appear on the list of accepted students.
And that's why I had to make a decision. I did consider the first option, about paying tuition – but no way would I take that kind of money from my parents. The second option also wasn't good enough. This job WAS my life calling, I wasn't just going to give up after one try!
So I chose the third option. The Gap Year. The thing that, as I mentioned at the beginning, was immediately associated with partying and travelling by anyone I had told about it.
'So where've you been already?' I'd be asked every effing time. 'Um, here and there', I'd reply, and quickly change the subject. That was another thing: I was embarassed about my situation. It was almost impossible for me to admit that I didn't get into the university so I preferred to lie. I was top of my class in almost every subject in high school, and was considered pretty smart, so the fact that I had to admit to failing was too painful. I was sure people would judge me for it and mark me with a letter F for Failure.
It took me a while (and a lot of sad and tearful evenings) to understand that I was wrong, and my situation didn't mean I'm dumb or pathetic. It's just about luck and coincidence, and I shouldn't worry that this is a sign that I should give up because I'm not inteligent enough.
This year was, undoubtedly, unbelievingly hard.
Having not been in the same position as me, none of my friends could understand what I was going through. They didn't take no for an answer when they were persuading me to go clubbing with them. They only claimed over and over that the exam was in May, and that I had plenty of time to study. It's not that I completely stopped going out, but I minimized it into the reasonable, once-every-two-weeks frequency. I also wasn't as flexible as they'd thought I'd be ('come on, you have literally nothing to do, get into the car and come here') because I didn't have much of a free time. My day schedule included: after-breakfast biology revision, after-lunch chemistry revision and a test in the evening.
With time, I reduced the number of people I hung out with to only my BFFs and dates once in a while. The reason was simple: I. Was. Boring. I literally had nothing interesting to say apart from biological stuff. But how many times does a person want to hear anecdotes like: 'Did you know... that sea cucumber can throw out its internal organs as a distraction for predators, and then just grow them back?' Not only does a person not know what a damn sea cucumber is, they also don't give a shit. Which was a huge surprise for me, because I myself was pretty intrigued. (Like can you imagine having your bladder full and you don't have to go to the toilet, you can just throw it out and grow another one? Or have TWO of them? Seems like a cool deal for me, especially after couple of beers)
So I avoided parties, lost contact with some (try: most of) my friends and just studied. Every hour, of every day.
So that's how a year passed by, my Gap Year. It certainly wasn't easy, I was depressed for some time and used to wonder what the hell had I been doing and whether I hadn't been making a huge mistake. I gotta admit that my family was incredibly supportive, during all my upps and downs. It's probably why I managed not to get any panic attacks this year. They comforted me when I needed it and knew exactly when to buy a big Nutella jar to calm my nerves.
During this year I learned that, whatever happens, you simply mustn't give up and you need to be strong because it's just one of the problems in life, not even the biggest one, and every problem can somehow be fixed.
So here I am, after re-writing the exams and waiting for the results.
…So what now?
Well, maybe some travelling?
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