10 Things You'll Only Understand If You're Being Friendzoned By A Beluga Whale
Belugas don't go for "nice guys."
She always says she wants to be with a nice human guy, but she just keeps trying to echolocate the same douchey jocks.
You traveled all the way to the Yukon to visit her, but she barely even left her pod to hang out with you.
You tried to strike up a stimulating conversation with her at the aquarium by talking about her favorite types of fish, but after a while she swam away from the glass.
As a thoughtful gentleman, you offered her tips on how she could improve the effectiveness of her underwater sounds, but she brushed you off to go hunt for food or some dumb thing.
You thought she'd be quite interested in a detailed critique of beluga mating rituals based on an article you read recently, but she pretended to not understand you. Typical cetacean.
You caught her smiling at you so you thought she was interested, but then you found out it was just because her trainers conditioned her to be polite.
You chivalrously offer to open doors and pull out chairs for her, but she's a beluga whale who doesn't use doors or chairs.
She swam 200 miles away from you after you negged her.
You waited for 30 years to become an extremely successful babe magnet. You wanted to show her you were not even remotely interested anymore, no matter how much she may beg. But she was already dead.
You decided she's no longer worth pursuing; she's sooo into her looks and flirts with everyone when she goes to the surface. Female beluga whales are all the same.
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