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24 Things That I Can Confirm Really Happened Because I Was There

Oh, sweetie.

1. This very convenient getaway, including the fastest phone number change ever:

2. This very special bird's Amazon order:

3. This Hitler/Stalin fanfiction written by half of a class:

4. This completely SFW art:

5. This incident involving children who have been cast in a Shawshank Redemption sequel, sources say:

6. Kim Kardashian West's son:

7. This little-brother-who-is-totally-a-real-person's casual notes:

8. Dale's tale:

9. This pizza order gone wrong:

10. This sadistic "child":

11. This therapist-mandated plane trip:

12. This story which I can confirm because I was the EpiPen:

13. This incredibly real Disneyland interaction:

14. This guy who froze because he got too cold watching Ice Age 4:

15. This worksheet that in no way was written with the non-dominant hand of an adult:

16. This profound comeback from an infant:

17. This epic Facebook burn:

18. This very legitimate and epic showdown:

19. This moment I'm sure was made into a movie one second after it happened:

20. This grandpa who didn't know detergent was toxic and now he's dead, RIP:

21. ...*sigh*

22. This solemn warning that you should never inject crushed-up Tic Tacs:

23. This super-real cardiologist who got revenge on a patient by killing them:

24. And this musical meet-cute: