1.There are some people who ~*magically*~ feel rested when they wake up, and there are others who have absolutely no idea what that feels like.
2.And the only way that second group of people can survive the day is...(drumroll) COFFEE.
3.As coffee addicts, we pump that miraculous elixir into our blood, pretending we're not still totally exhausted as it courses through our veins. We are, though. We are.
4.And when the going gets tough, a true coffee addict will grab anything remotely coffeelike to fill that void.
5.To be honest, if you took away the coffee from our life, we'd have almost NOTHING to look forward to.
6.I mean, the peak moment of a coffee addict's morning — no, DAY — is when those first delicious sips hit your tongue, and the endorphins reassure you that you can, in fact, get through this stupid Tuesday.
7.And that is why you love and respect the coffee, you cherish every sip, and you mourn its loss when there's no more of it.
8.Once in a while, you may find yourself SO excited about coffee that you go overboard, and you end up having some...minor regrets.
9.Other times, it's someone else who has made a mistake, and you wish you could arrest them for their serious crime.
10.Even seeing someone prepare their coffee in a way you'd never dream of irrationally upsets you. You are a connoisseur. Who are they?! No one, that's who!
11.As a card-holding member of the Coffee Addicts of America, your coffee preferences shall not be questioned.
12.And because you love coffee so much, you'll take the side effects that come with it. Only a freakin' medical professional could keep you away from your true love.
13.You're a hardened, world-wise coffee drinker, and you're proud of it.