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BuzzFeed Staff

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You will have to pass several tests to get hired.

Can You Pass These Rigorous Tests And Get A Job At The American Girl Store?

The American Girl Store looms before you. It is a beautiful edifice that you worship. You want to be their employee forever and ever.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/B1lsSpQXQ.png)


The Start!

The store begins to quake. It seems you have awoken the ghosts of the original Historical Characters released by the Pleasant Company in 1986: Samantha, Kirsten and Molly. Their gigantic spirits loom before you. 

"FRIENDSHIP! ADVERSITY! KINDNESS!" they shriek in unison.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rJ37rR7QX.png)



Stand in front of the store and declare loudly, "I, TOO, AM AN AMERICAN GIRL!"

The doors do not budge, but you see a bright, golden glow of light bursting behind them. An other-worldly voice shouts at you, though from whence, you can't tell. "THIS IS NOT A YEAR THAT ENDS WITH 4! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"

No!!! There must be another way!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HkD2-amXX.png)



Try very hard to open the massive doors

You look up at Samantha. "SAMANTHA PARKINGTON! YOU ARE VERY PRIVILEGED. THANK YOU FOR BEING NICE TO YOUR LOWER-CLASS FRIEND."

Samantha seems pleased with this, but still nothing happens. It seems you must prove yourself further. You try again.

"IT SUCKS THAT YOUR GRANDMOTHER IS BORING!"

Samantha's ghostly eyes immediately shine crimson red, as if you've unlocked some secret code. The American Girl Store begins shaking furiously. A few pieces of the classical facade crumble and fall at your feet. Then, in your hands appears "Meet Samantha," the first book in Samantha's series. The doors open.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/BkcQUpXm7.png)


Appeal to Samantha's compassion to those poorer than her

"KIRSTEN! I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR HARD PIONEER LIFE! I AM SORRY YOUR FRIEND GOT CHOLERA!"

Kirsten cannot understand you, because she doesn't speak English very well. She emits a furious roar. This attempt has failed.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HJhFj6QXm.png)


Appeal to Kirsten's life of hardship

"MOLLY!" you shout. "YOU DID A GREAT JOB TAP DANCING IN THE 'MISS VICTORY' DANCE! YOU HELPED THE WAR EFFORT!"

Molly lets out a heinous cry. Then she slowly rotates her floating body so her face is looking down at you. Her voice is low and warped. "Thaaaannnnkk youuuuuu," she moans, as if she's been waiting to hear this since the 1940s, but also only since she was created in the '80s. 

Then, Molly's gigantic spirit bursts like an overfilled balloon, and from the explosion, a Molly doll drops to the floor. It is in pristine condition, though Molly was archived years ago and probably costs a pretty penny on eBay now.

You pick up the doll. Suddenly, the store's heavy doors open. The light from within blinds you.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/H15bOTmmQ.png)


Appeal to Molly's cool tap dancing skills

You enter the American Girl Store. An employee, cloaked in a velvet magenta robe with a name tag that reads "AG597", approaches you. They notice the book you're holding and gasp. "Come with me."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rJLF16QXQ.png)

Go inside

You cradle the Molly doll, very careful not to mess up her hair, as you step across the threshold of the store's entrance. As you enter, Molly's eyelids open completely, and though her toothy, smiling mouth does not move, she screeches: "A new One is within!"

With this, rows of magenta-cloaked employees file onto the sales floor from several back rooms. They stand in front of you in a neat formation and then recite in unison, "Yes, Molly, we obey!" 

One employee steps forward. Their name tag reads "AG597." "Come with me," they beckon.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rJg6yaXQ7.png)


"Okay," you say to yourself. "Must be funny and silly. I'm allowed to use multiple girls, but it has to be historically accurate. I can do this!" You must now pick your characters. The American Girls Premiere's historical characters are: Felicity, Josefina, Kirsten, Addy, Samantha and Molly.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/SkhE_SHXQ.png)


Begin creating

Yes, this is a VERY good group, and your play will blow the General Manager away. But what will it be about?
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/BJZfGDImm.png)


Josefina, Kirsten, Addy, Samantha and Molly

Your play will ONLY be Felicity-centric. The game does have her friends and family too, but you decide you will ONLY USE FELICITY!!!

The setting for your play will, of course, be Felicity's bedroom, because she has a really cool canopy bed. But what will the play be about?
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HJXvMv8Q7.png)


ONLY FELICITY

Yes. In this epic digital play, the Colonial girl Felicity will be inventing the Roomba. You get to work writing dialogue and sound effects and choosing actions for Felicity to act out. When it's finished, you alert AG597, who calls over the General Manger. They gather around the computer to watch.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/Hk0LBD8mX.png)


Felicity inventing the Roomba

You get to work. Lights, camera, action! You feel the creative energy flowing through you. This will be awesome!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/ryJuHvIQX.png)


Felicity deciding to become a spy for the British in the Revolutionary War

You decide to take the silliness to the extreme. In your play, the American Girls will try to escape this crappy Dell computer. "Help, help! Windows 98 keeps crashing and we have to defrag the hard drive!" you make them say. 
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HJKEBvLmQ.png)


Josefina, Addy, Kirsten, Samantha and Molly trying to escape the Dell computer

This will surely meet all the requirements! You begin clicking buttons all over the place. Excitement rushes through you as you place every character in different spots on the stage and type in some dialogue. They're all teaching each other to sew and it's great!
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/By18rPL7Q.png)


Josefina, Addy, Kirsten, Samantha and Molly teaching each other to sew

You press "Start.". You patiently await their feedback with baited breath. When it's over, the General Manager says, "THE ROOMBA IS NOT HISTORICALLY ACCURATE TO THE COLONIAL PERIOD! YOU HAVE BROKEN THE RULES! YOU WILL NOT BECOME AN EMPLOYEE AT THE AMERICAN GIRL STORE!!!"
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rkRaVwUQ7.png)


Play your creation for AG597 and the General Manager

With this, the General Manager and AG597 become confused. They have never been outwitted in this way. They talk amongst themselves and then return to you. "If the Roomba was, in fact, intended to be operated by mice who move it and eat all the dirt from the floor, that would be okay. Therefore, you have passed the First Trial."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rJfkrPLX7.png)


Clarify that the Roomba in question was operated by mice, not Lithium Ion batteries

"NOOOOO!" screams the General Manager. You are escorted from the store by a team of employees. As you turn around to face the store once again, it has vanished. You will never regain admittance. You will never become an employee. Your dreams have been crushed forever, unless you go to another branch.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/BkTG9rr7m.png)


Beg for another chance

The General Manager stares solemnly. "You must change a Bitty Baby's diaper."

Oh god, oh no. You didn't see this coming! You are familiar with all the American Girls, right down to the very last detail. But...Bitty Babies?! How are you supposed to know what to do with one of those?

You don't show this concern. You are brave, like an American Girl. "Yes, I will do this," you say. 

AG597 leaves the room and comes back with a brand-new Bitty Baby and a Bitty Baby diaper. Its tiny, delicate features are so daunting. It's practically a real baby, as far as you're concerned. AG597 places the Bitty Baby on a fold-out changing table. "Please change the diaper now," they say.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/S1wdvDLQ7.png)


YES! What's next?

You stare at the Bitty Baby on the changing table, then at the diaper. You can't make sense of it. American Girl dolls don't have diapers, they have undergarments! It just doesn't make sense!

After five long minutes of staring, the General Manager and AG597 inform you that you have failed the test. "You did not change the Bitty Baby's diaper. You have failed the second test. You will not work at The American Girl Store."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/SkJDnHrX7.png)


I don't...I can't...

Now that you see the diaper up close, you notice it's almost like a regular pair of underwear. You are able to understand how to put the diaper onto the Bitty Baby because you can imagine how you put your own underwear on yourself. You successfully get it on. The General Manager and AG597 gasp. "N-no one has gotten this far," whispers the General Manager. "But your last trial will be the hardest, so prepare yourself."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/r1N5vPIXm.png)


Ohh, I see now. It basically slips right on.

You press "Start.". You patiently await their feedback with baited breath. When it's over, the General Manager sighs. Oh no, did you fail?!

Then, a slow clap erupts from the General Manager. "Yes. You have taken a lot of creative license on Felicity's story, but it is both historically accurate and silly. You will move on to the second trial." 
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rySFEDIX7.png)


AG597 and the General Manager lead you into what looks like an interrogation room. It's scary. "For your last trial, we will simply ask you one question. That is all. If you answer it correctly, you will become an American Girl Store employee," says the General Manager, who has been wearing a life-size American Girl doll mask this whole time, I just didn't mention it before.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/H1dYxaQ77.png)

BRING IT ON! THIS IS MY DESTINY!

You press "Start.". You patiently await their feedback with baited breath. When it's over, the General Manager stands in silence for a moment, and then speaks softly. "Yes. YES! THE PERFECT TABLEAU! ALL HISTORICAL GIRLS LEARNED TO SEW! AND IT IS QUITE SILLY THAT THE GIRLS ARE TEACHING EACH OTHER!!!"

The General Manager is very pleased with you. You have passed.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HJq54wUm7.png)


AG597 leads you to the very back of the store and into a room marked 'NEW HIRES.' "Molly has granted you entrance, but you must pass further trials," they say.

You walk down a short corridor and into a small room with a desk. On the desk is an old Dell computer that runs Windows 98. AG597 asks you to sit at the desk, and you oblige. From a locked cabinet, they retrieve a beautiful mahogany box. From the box, they carefully retrieve a CD-ROM and load it up into the computer. After ten minutes of listening to the computer struggle to load the software, you understand: this is the American Girls Premiere game. The musical intro gives you chills. You've played this game hundreds of times, simulating scenes for the American Girls to act out.

"You will need to create a play in this game for the General Manager of this store to enjoy. It must be funny and silly. You can use multiple American Girls in the same setting, but otherwise, it must be historically accurate."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/B12lx1NXX.png)


Follow

AG597 leads you to the very back of the store and into a room marked 'NEW HIRES.' "Samantha has granted you entrance, but you must pass further trials," they say.

You walk down a short corridor and into a small room with a desk. On the desk is an old Dell computer that runs Windows 98. AG597 asks you to sit at the desk, and you oblige. From a locked cabinet, they retrieve a beautiful mahogany box. From the box, they carefully take out a CD-ROM and load it into the computer. After ten minutes of listening to the computer struggle to load the software, you understand: this is the American Girls Premiere game. The musical intro gives you chills. You've played this game hundreds of times, simulating scenes for the American Girls to act out.

"You will need to create a play in this game for the General Manager of this store to enjoy. It must be funny and silly. You can use multiple American Girls in the same setting, but otherwise, it must be historically accurate."
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/S1kleJEmQ.png)


From the very beginning, they're both appalled. "This is NOT historically accurate, AND you have insulted our computer. This computer is a piece of HISTORY! GET OUT NOW!!!"

You have failed.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/HkabHDL7m.png)


"What," begins the General Manager, "do you think of Barbies?"
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/Hyj-JDLQ7.png)


What's the question?

"Yes," says the General Manager. "Very good. We mustn't ever slander other toys made by Mattel." AG597 is clapping happily. 

You know what this means...you have passed! AG597 hurries out of the room and brings back an employee robe for you, just in time for the store to open.

All your dreams have come true! You work at the American Girl Store! 
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/Sk4HC8LQQ.png)


They're fine.

"THAT IS INCORRECT," screams the General Manager. "MATTEL OWNS BARBIE AND THEY ALSO OWN AMERICAN GIRL. NEVER INSULT BARBIES, EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T REALLY TEACH CHILDREN ABOUT HISTORY, AND I'M NOT SURE THEY TEACH THEM ABOUT HARDSHIPS OR GETTING YOUR PERIOD EITHER. NEVERTHELESS, THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE. YOU HAVE FAILED, AND YOU MUST LEAVE NOW." 

AG597 is weeping. You are thrown out of the store. Your dream has been shattered.
![Image Alt Text](https://img.buzzfeed.com/store-an-image-prod-us-east-1/rJKKyDU7m.png)


They're bad.

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Can You Pass These Rigorous Tests And Get A Job At The American Girl Store?

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