9 Historically Scary People That Remind Us Of Our Exes

How is Ivan the Terrible not like your overbearing former SO?

9. Henry VIII

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Commitment issues like you'd never believe. Ever had that problem with the man/woman you thought was the bee's knees? We know Henry's wives did. The guy married a total of six different times, executing two of them, famously Anne Boleyn and Kathryn Howard. Funny enough, our favorite pudgy English King was once an athletic, handsome example of masculinity until a fateful jousting accident which may have led, what to many to believe, to a mental disability. Still, the guy needed to know what he wanted. Am I right?

8. Emperor Commodus

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Ever worked your butt off to come home to your SO on the couch? Emperor Commodus (AKA Joaquin Phoenix from Gladiator) was indeed that deadbeat. The guy inherited the Roman Empire, but felt more like playing around as a gladiator rather than you know, being an emperor. Even worse than being a deadbeat, he FORCED people to go to his gladiator matches where he dressed like Hercules or Jupiter and cut down his opponents... Oh and his opponents? Yeah, they were armed with wooden swords or weapons made of lead. Commodus left the empire broke, and many historians mark his reign as the beginning of the decline of the Roman Empire. Can you believe we dated that guy?

7. Maximilien Robespierre

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Sometimes when you date someone with an agenda, be it political or career-wise, we may not know if they value us more than their goals. Also, some of the people we've dated are too politically left or right. You know what I mean? Like Maxi here, in my opinion, was too passionate about dispelling the monarchy. Most commonly known for establishing the Reign of Terror during the French Revolution, Maximilien was a passionate Republican, and didn't care who knew it. His purge left around 40,000 dead by the guillotine. He even planned to literally annihilate the city of Lyon. Ironically, he stepped on too many political toes, and he ended up being executed by the national razor himself. I'm sure it would've worked out if he toned it down a bit... or am I just not supportive?

6. Emperor Caligula

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Sometimes the sex is amazing. Other times, the sex is amazing... but still not worth the crazy. For a mass murderer and all-around jerk, Caligula has the cutest name ever. “Little Boots,” as he was known for walking around in army boots as a child, came from quite an unfortunate childhood. To sum it all up, his uncle, Emperor Tiberius, killed all his family off except Caligula and his sisters. Caligula ended up inheriting the Roman Empire, and he convinced the people that this was a new era for the Romans. Then "Little Boots" got sick. Then he became a bastard. Extremely sexually promiscuous, the Emperor forced Senators' wives to sleep with him while their husbands ate at the Emperor's feasts. He'd then come out when he was done and comment on their performance. He killed as he pleased, and loved knowing he could. A god complex to say the least. Did I mention he waged an actual war against the ocean? To pillage the Sea, he had his soldiers collect shells off the beach. (Awww)

5. Vlad the Impaler

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Ever find out your SO had some weird hobby? Like weird. Like torturing animals. No? Me neither... For those of you who identified with that question (which I don't...) Vlad is probably no big thang, that is, if keeping a forest of people with wooden stakes through their abdomen is no big thang to you. Vlad used his nightmarish violence to scare his people into submission. An example of how he expelled vagrancy in one of his towns is he invited all the homeless to a feast. He then left the feast, locked them in, and burned the building to the ground. See? No more vagrancy. The guy was a nut. It is reported that he invited a group of noblemen to his castle for another "feast." When they were all inside, he had them all stuck on stakes. It is reported that he then enjoyed his bread dampened in their blood. Oh yeah, that's supposedly what inspired Bram Stoker's Dracula.

4. Ivan the Terrible

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This relationship is hard to classify. He/She was amazing when he/she was in a good mood, but when they weren't it was kind of abusive. Sound familiar? Ivan proved to be a mixed blessing to the Muscovite Kingdom. He commenced the turning of the wheels of progress in what we now know as Russia. He doubled the territory, expanding both Westward and Eastward into Siberia, and established the Czardom. Then his wife got sick and died. Suddenly, Ivan became a little more cranky. His pastimes included boiling people alive, roasting people (and other culinary arts) and pulling them apart with horses. Ivan created his own brigade to reek havoc on his own cities and kill off anyone who seemed to be an enemy of the Czar. When it was good, it was really good. When it was bad... well... yeah.

3. Kim Jong-il

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"I'm the man, the man's the man, and that's the way it is."

or

"I'm a girl, you have to treat me like a princess."

Self-entitlement. It's annoying. Yeah, you didn't think I could compare the former leader of North Korea to your SO, did you? This guy practically inherited this closed off community from his father, and then dictated to his people that he's a god. Really? North Korea still can't keep their streetlights on because they can't afford it. The entire country is malnourished, and has no idea what's going on with the outside world. Where does your entitlement come from??

2. Ghengis Khan

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Sometimes we catch ourselves having too short a fuse, but nothing is scarier than a partner with a short fuse to an atomic bomb. Meet Genghis Khan. The guy established the largest land empire in world history, assimilated its people, and allowed kingdoms to surrender peacefully. When they didn’t surrender, he got angry, and you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. It is estimated that the combined numbers killed by Genghis Khan and his armies may reach 40 million. As a result of Genghis Khan’s wars, the world population may have fallen a whole 11%. Women and men committed suicide when news of an advancing Mongol army made its way to their kingdom, and it’s even rumored that the Mongols drank the blood of their enemies. The best part of these relationships is that at least we know we're safe.

1. Gaius Julius Caesar

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These are the dangerous relationships. The ones that changed who we are forever as a person. You know which one I'm talking about. You will NEVER forgive this person. Ever. But secretly you're still in love, and you don't actually know what you'd do if you saw them. Gaius Julius Caesar didn't purge on ascension. He didn't massacre, torture, or annihilate entire populations. Gaius Julius Caesar did worse: he killed one of the greatest forms of government in the ancient world and sent the Roman Empire on its path to instability, and ultimately, it's collapse. By becoming Dictator For Life, Julius Caesar got the Romans into a mindset normalizing absolute control and even manipulated his political enemies into attacking him. He was manipulative, he was absolutely ambitious. But he did everything with a warm smile and forgiving temperament. Everyone has had that SO. The one who sent you through an emotional whirlwind. And was it your fault? You still have no idea.