1. This is it. I'm in my final year of uni.
2. How many years have I even been here? 5? 6? 7?
3. Did I even do a Bsc? At this stage, I don't know. The years have just blurred together.
4. Either way, I've been studying for way too long. People have graduated, got jobs, got married, and popped out their first kid in the time I've been here.
5. And I'm not even done. I still have one year left.
6. Most people will probably have at least two kids by the time I left.
7. Including people who are younger than me.
8. But at least it means I don't have to be a doctor yet.
9. I don't know how to be a doctor.
10. What am I supposed to do if a patient collapses in front of me? The ABC approach? I don't actually really get the ABC approach.
11. I feel sorry for my future patients.
12. My future patients whose lives will literally be in my hands.
13. I still don't know how to read an X-Ray.
14. I freak out every time I have to take blood from someone.
15. I can't even fill out a drug chart or prescribe medications.
16. I'm not ready for this.
17. But at least I'll finally start getting paid.
19. Even thought all my non-medic friends will be making loads more than me. Stupid NHS.
20. I cannot wait to go on elective and experience other health care systems.
21. And travel.
22. Mostly travel. I'll fit in a bit of elective on the side.
23. I really need to sort out my elective.
24. I don't even know how to do that, though. What's this FPAS thing that people keep mentioning?
25. And wtf is the Situational Judgement Test? After all these years of hard work, one exam is going to determine half of my application? This is bullshit.
26. I can't revise for this. The questions are stupid. What am I meant to do if a patient adds me on Facebook? IDK, THIS IS NOT THE FACTUAL SCIENCE THAT I AM USED TO REVISING.
27. How am I meant to plan my life if I don't even know where I'll be based next year?
28. I could end up in the middle of nowhere. I could end up in Wales.
29. Think of all the weddings I'd miss if I lived in Wales.
30. Why is everyone suddenly getting married btw? Did you all make some kind of pact that I missed out on?
31. I'm getting sidetracked. I need to focus on revising for finals, aka just learning the whole of frickin' medicine.
32. This isn't even about the exam. It's about my actual career.
33. I need to be able to pick up signs without a doctor already telling me that there's some kind of pathology.
34. If I can't pick up signs, I won't be able to diagnose a patient and I'll get sued.
35. Looks like I'll spend most of my time on wards "sign-hunting" then.
36. I hate having to introduce myself as a final year student to patients.
37. "Omg how long have you been at uni then? 5 years? 6? 7?"
38. And I hate having to tell the consultant that I'm a final year student because then they expect me to actually know stuff.
39. I can hardly still stand there like, "I don't know, I'm just a student."
40. And the surgeons expect me to be able to do stuff too. I can't get away with standing around on my phone in theatre anymore.
41. Why does every doctor ask me what speciality I'm going into? Is "FY1" not a valid answer?
42. And why does every consultant talk about how I should consider their speciality?
43. I haven't even considered what I'm having for dinner tonight, let alone which speciality I'm going into.
44. I remember getting excited at the prospect of using a stethoscope.
45. And taking blood.
46. Even just talking to a patient seemed exciting when I was a fresher.
47. I remember looking at final year students and thinking, "Wow they've been here forever."
48. I bet thats how freshers look at me now: "Look at that golden oldie who is still hanging around uni. How pathetic."
49. I remember when I had the energy to do all nighters like them.
50. I can barely stay up past 11pm now.
51. I get exhausted by doing a full week of firms. How will I be able to handle doing a full week of nights?
52. Or being on-call?
53. Or working for 10 days straight?
54. I'm going to miss waking up, looking at my clock, and just thinking "not today" before going back to sleep.
55. I won't even be able to duck out of night shifts anymore.
56. It'll be OK though. This is the final hurdle. I can do this.
57. After all these years, I'm finally going to become a doctor.
58. Seriously though: Good luck to all of my future patients.