28 Obsessive Thoughts On The 2014 Oscars

Tonight’s the night for Hollywood’s brightest, and…YOU.

1. First of all, you’ve been counting down to March 2nd since the first champagne bottle popped on New Years Day.

2. Every waking minute is spent devoted to learning all there is to know about this year’s nominees.

3. Since he boarded the Titanic, Leo has been floating your boat.

4. If he doesn’t win for Best Actor this year, you’ll freak out something fierce.

5. Let’s not even get started on how Leo will feel about it all.

6. But we’ll always have this glorious moment to keep us hopeful.

7. If not Leo, then Matthew. He was a boss in DBC.

8. And not to mention, Mr. Jared Leto. He was perfect!

9. I wonder if he will be taking Miley as his date?

10. Speaking of Miley, her ex Liam knows J. Law pretty well.

11. If she wins Best Supporting Actress, will she or won’t she fall?

12. If she does, maybe gravity just isn’t her thing.

13. However, our girl Sandra B. knows quite a bit about the big G.

14. Quite frankly, Sandy wishes she had more, you know, gravity.

15. Samantha would have been a great companion to have in space.

16. Well, Joaquin’s Theodore Twombly would certainly agree with that statement.

17. We could also agree that it was a great year for captains.

Wait, Wilson?

18. And great human triumphs in the face of 12 years of injustice.

19. There were some unlikely friendships.

20. Epic road trips of the familial variety had their place, too.

21. Even if the results aren’t what you expected…

22. …there will be plenty of cause for celebration.

23. Hell, Meryl will be there.

24. Seriously, let’s not forget about Oscar.

No! Not that one!

25. Nope. Wrong again.

26. Yes! Finally. This little gilded man right here.

He’s so tiny.

27. Enough of this talking, whip out some champagne!

28. And may be the Oscar odds, be ever in your favor.

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