back to top

Shower Sex Actually Sucks, And Here Are 16 Reasons Why

Less sexy, more slip 'n' slidey.

Posted on

You've seen it in porn, you've considered its water-saving benefits, and you've probably tried it at least once already. But, lest you be misled any further, we are here today to say there are at least 16 definitive reasons why shower sex is NOT actually great. Let us count the ways:

Getty Images

1. If you think that finding the right position for sex in a big, comfy, non-slippery bed is hard, just wait until you're in the actual shower.

Giphy / Via giphy.com

2. It's even worse if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner, because you won't know whether to lean forward, stand on your tiptoes, or just call it quits.

NBC / Via giphy.com

We recommend the latter.

3. It doesn't matter how creative you try to get with the positions, because you will always end up doing it doggy style.

Disney / Via giphy.com

4. You'll slip around so much while you're at it that you start considering your mortality.

5. Because there is just no traction ANYWHERE.

NBC / Via giphy.com

6. Plus, if it's your turn under the water, you'll inevitably get too hot.

Dreamworks / Via giphy.com

7. And when you're the one not standing under the water, you'll basically at risk for hypothermia.

NBC / Via giphy.com

You just can't win.

8. And water bouncing off your partner's body will get into your mouth and your eyes, and there's now way to avoid it.

4Gifs / Via giphy.com

9. And your hands are so busy grabbing other things that you can't get the soap out of your eyes quickly enough.

Giphy / Via giphy.com

10. News flash: water does NOT work as a lubricant.

You'd think water = wetness, but this is the one documented case in physics when it's just not so.
FOX / Via giphy.com

You'd think water = wetness, but this is the one documented case in physics when it's just not so.

11. And when it comes to oral sex, you have to very carefully avoid accidentally drinking a gallon of shower water.

NBC

12. At least once, you are going to need to stop everything and just catch your breath.

Getty Images

13. If you forget to remove your makeup before the shower, you will end up looking, in the best case scenario, like a sad panda bear.

Getty Images

14. Generally, you will most likely not orgasm in the shower, but you will probably leave with a headache.

Getty Images

15. And you will probably forget to do all of your actual shower things, like washing and shaving.

Katelyn Tarver / Via giphy.com

16. Which just means you have to take another shower, again.

Giphy / Via giphy.com

The cycle never ends.

This post was translated from Spanish.

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right

Top trending videos

Watch more BuzzFeed Video Caret right
The best things at three price points