You've seen it in porn, you've considered its water-saving benefits, and you've probably tried it at least once already. But, lest you be misled any further, we are here today to say there are at least 16 definitive reasons why shower sex is NOT actually great. Let us count the ways:
1. If you think that finding the right position for sex in a big, comfy, non-slippery bed is hard, just wait until you're in the actual shower.
2. It's even worse if there's a significant height difference between you and your partner, because you won't know whether to lean forward, stand on your tiptoes, or just call it quits.
3. It doesn't matter how creative you try to get with the positions, because you will always end up doing it doggy style.
4. You'll slip around so much while you're at it that you start considering your mortality.
5. Because there is just no traction ANYWHERE.
6. Plus, if it's your turn under the water, you'll inevitably get too hot.
7. And when you're the one not standing under the water, you'll basically at risk for hypothermia.
8. And water bouncing off your partner's body will get into your mouth and your eyes, and there's now way to avoid it.
9. And your hands are so busy grabbing other things that you can't get the soap out of your eyes quickly enough.
10. News flash: water does NOT work as a lubricant.
11. And when it comes to oral sex, you have to very carefully avoid accidentally drinking a gallon of shower water.
12. At least once, you are going to need to stop everything and just catch your breath.
13. If you forget to remove your makeup before the shower, you will end up looking, in the best case scenario, like a sad panda bear.
14. Generally, you will most likely not orgasm in the shower, but you will probably leave with a headache.
15. And you will probably forget to do all of your actual shower things, like washing and shaving.
16. Which just means you have to take another shower, again.
This post was translated from Spanish.