Sexism As A High School Student
This past year, I switched from the small private school I had attended since kindergarten and started at a diverse public high school with three times as many students. Until then, it would not have occurred to me that anyone, particularly someone I considered a friend, would oppose gender equality. I didn't think that anyone would admit out loud that they were not a feminist, or criticize me for being one myself.
I was shocked to find that old-fashioned sexism still exists, in its worst form. I was shocked that people called me bossy and critiqued my clothing, when I failed, in their eyes, to adhere to whatever notion "feminine" dressing is. Once, as I walked home with two of my best guy friends, they said that it annoyed them when girls wore loose pants. (Both of them were wearing sweatpants at the time.) Apparently I am meant to dress so that people can see the shape of my body -- never mind what is comfortable or what I would prefer to wear.
It got more serious. About a month ago, at a hockey game, two different male friends of mine asked if I was a feminist. They taunted me, expecting that I would break under their questioning about feminism. I went on to explain what it means -- simply, that women should be equal to men - and I used my older brother, a star basketball player who considers himself a feminist, as an example. But instead of listening, they attacked me, saying:
"Well Adelaide, the genders are already equal."
"Girls like you don't get raped."
"Men are paid more because they are more educated and work more hours."
These boys had just made my case. They refused to understand what it is like to be a woman in a society where even relatively privileged men hold such reactionary views. Never mind trying to tell them what is really going on, that one in five women are victims of rape or attempted rape in college. That in 2016 there is no amendment to the constitution that guarantees equal rights, in fact that failed to ratify in 1972. They refused to see that statistically when I am older I will only make 78 cents to a white man's dollar for the same work, and that if I was black I would make only 64.
Then, they said something so disturbing and shocking that I had to re-think how I felt about them, and by extension, boys of my generation.
"What is the best way to piss off a feminist? Rape her."
I'll never understand how someone could say that, or could think that was funny, or how five boys I had respected and considered friends would burst out laughing when they heard it. I put my head down, stood up and left. I felt small and disrespected. I walked out of the ice arena, up the hill to my house and sobbed. I could not believe that these were the boys who might grow up and marry my friends. That they would be parents themselves one day. That anyone with a sister or a mother could possibly think that rape was a subject to joke about.
After this happened, I posted a #WhyINeedFeminism on my twitter account because I thought it could empower fellow teenage girls to speak out. But instead, many of my friends didn't join in, because, they were afraid of alienating boys. Some girls even liked posts from boys who were disagreeing with me, even when the boys answered with their own hashtag, #WhyINeedMeninism. Only a few other girls followed in my footsteps. Most stayed in the background, too afraid of the stigma around feminism to stick up for themselves or their rights.
In those two days I lost my peers' respect simply for saying that I was a feminist. I had gone from a girl who was well-liked and seen as kind, to a girl who was bossy and defensive. It became clear to me that in our society it can be tricky to be a feminist because some men are simply afraid of feminism. Feminism challenges men's comfortable assumption that they will always be taken more seriously than women solely due to their sex. But society can change if the people in it change. We as teenagers are seeing Donald Trump win in almost every state even though he is misogynistic and hateful. We are seeing the senior boys we look up to support him and rationalize his radical views. We are seeing women become the victims of disturbing jokes that normalize the unfair treatment of females. If our role models to do not change, then we cannot possibly change. If the way we are brought up does not change, then we have no hope in helping to further develop equality. However, if girls are brought up with the idea that they are worth more than their bodies, that they can achieve amazing things with their intellect; and if boys are brought up with the idea that empowering women does not make them small, that in fact it helps lessen the pressure on them to be exceedingly strong, then we can move beyond the sexism and prejudice that is so common today.
Just today, a boy my age who is very well known and liked all around my city posted this "joke" on Twitter:
Q: Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
A: Because she's a woman.
It got eight likes and counting, including one girl.
We, as teenage girls, need to teach our male peers that this not okay, that they cannot cow us into submission. We need to be stubborn. We need to believe in ourselves. Previous generations of women have fought for us and we need to continue that fight. There are people that have it so much worse than us, and we need to fight for them, for us, and for future women by using our voices and our arguments. We need to come out of the background and band together as allies because this fight belongs to all of us, and it is not yet finished. I invite my fellow high schoolers to join me in declaring that we are proud feminists. Let's get rid of ignorance and prejudice. Let's show them that we mean it.
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