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Before you were 12 years old, you could wear whatever you wanted, because your pits were always dry
Then one day, you raised your arm to give a high five and this happened
And you were like, "Why does everyone hide from my massive hugs?"
You then realized that no one would ever love you...and for good reason
Then someone told you about anti-perspirant
You were told that this magical substance would make you attractive again
And for a brief moment, you felt that talking to humans again would not be so bad
You applied your new best friend generously to your sweat glands and patiently waited
For the next 2 weeks, life was perfect and you didn't want to throw rabid animals at people's faces
Life was back to normal, with you doing your every day thing
In that moment, you loved everyone...you even considered running for President
Then suddenly out of no where, you felt something strange
Something wet...
It was back!!!! You felt shame, denial, regret, and then back to shame again
You could feel yourself changing...adapting...mutating...
As if your very DNA suspected your feeble attempt to alter the inescapable fact that being wet is more important than being liked
So what did you do? You tried it again...and again...and again...........and again
But every time, your armpits changed their frequency....they evolved....they altered their existence....so your petty laser beam no longer worked, no longer caused any damage to the sweat lurking beneath....
Just like the BORG
So let's be honest, did you really think your silly anti-perspirant would stand a chance against mother nature?
I'm sorry armpits
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