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Food

A Definitive Ranking Of Every Burger Side

May the lards be ever in your flavor...

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15. Packaged Potato Chips

Flickr: williac

Charisma: 0

Uniqueness: 0

Taste: 3

Je ne sais quoi factor: 0

Total: 3

Verdict: Potato chips from a package are literally the laziest side dish. The only acceptable reason to eat them is if you're at your stepdaughter's soccer game and you're so bored there's nothing to do but eat garbage.

14. Side Salad

Flickr: mortonfox

Charisma: 0

Uniqueness: 2 (well, it's not a potato?)

Taste: 1

Je ne sais quoi factor: 1

Total: 4

Verdict: Why on earth would anyone order a side salad with a burger? You're already clogging your arteries with red meat and grease. Who are you trying to fool?

12. Cole Slaw

Flickr: paxsimius

Charisma: 2

Uniqueness: 2 (for the shape)

Taste: 2

Je ne sais quoi factor: 3

Total: 9

Verdict: A good cole slaw is a special treat, but most of the time you're just getting wet cabbage. Great slaw is too rare, thus a lower ranking.

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10. Garlic Fries

Flickr: rocketlass

Charisma: 3

Uniqueness: 2 (for the shape)

Taste: 5

Je ne sais quoi factor: 3

Total: 13

Verdict: It doesn't take much to turn regular fries into a special treat for your face. Still, there's nothing too inventive about adding garlic, tasty as it is.

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7. Regular French Fries

Flickr: freefoto

Charisma: 5

Uniqueness: 5

Taste: 5

Je ne sais quoi factor: 5

Total: 20

Verdict: Impossible to hate, fries are utilitarian and irreplaceable, and the war between McDonalds fries and Burger King fries will wage on for an eternity.

6. Tater Tots

Flickr: blueyeda73

Charisma: 5

Uniqueness: 5

Taste: 6

Je ne sais quoi factor: 5

Total: 21

Verdict: Tots are timeless, friendly, upstanding citizens of the Side Dish world. They know their place and they're happy in their role.

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2. Onion Rings

Flickr: katerha

Charisma: 7

Uniqueness: 6

Taste: 9

Je ne sais quoi factor: 8

Total: 30

Verdict: Almost unbeatable when it comes to taste, the only thing that makes onion rings better is when the onion accidentally slides out and you get to eat the fried casing on its own. Mmmmmm....