First of all, our introduction to Wonka is this foreboding industrial wasteland.
Like, is this from the movie or is it real life? Because they are similarly terrifying.
Then some guy WITH A CART FULL OF MACHETES warns Charlie to stay away, because "nobody ever comes out."
But he doesn't listen and ends up almost getting mobbed when he finds his golden ticket.
Then, on his way home, he's jumped by Wonka's creepy henchman.
And let's not even get started on Wonka himself. He's like your eccentric neighbor who may or may not be hatching a kidnapping plot.
Soon enough, it's time for the factory itself, a hellscape with disembodied hands for coat hangers.
Wonka then decides to trap everyone in a tiny shrinking room, because why not?
Now we learn that Wonka exploits the slave labor of little people who he has dyed a horrendous shade of burnt orange.
Can you say Stockholm Syndrome?
Then Augustus Gloop is almost drowned in the river and crushed by this suction tube.
And I think this is a deleted scene of Wonka dealing with Mama Gloop?
After, Wonka takes everyone on a boat ride as if nothing bad has happened, except by boat ride I mean terrifying acid trip.
Complete with humongous bugs crawling across your face and a chicken getting its head chopped off.
In the next room, Wonka blows Violet up until she is ON THE VERGE OF EXPLODING.
Speaking of violent deaths, Wonka almost slices Charlie and Grandpa Joe into tiny pieces.
Cool, now Veruca falls down a gigantic garbage chute heading to THE FURNACE WHERE SHE WILL BURN.
And then her dad jumps in after her because apparently two humans sizzled to a crisp are better than one.
Moving on, we have these little flittering things that are actually A KID BEING ESSENTIALLY SHREDDED APART.
Him coming back in miniature form doesn't excuse the fact that you just dismembered a child, Wonka.
Wonka's solution? Use a taffy pulling machine to stretch him back to normal size.
"Taffy pulling machine" = medieval stretching torture device. The movie has turned into actual child torture.
We end with the intense tirade of a maniacal candy-maker who just sanctioned the imminent deaths of four other children.
But it's OK because now Charlie gets the factory, right?
Wrong. Wonka still decides to take him into an elevator even though he doesn't know where it goes and admits the glass shattering could kill them.
So now they're just flying in an elevator that's attached to nothing and could fall at any time.
And that's how the movie ends.
The synopsis? "A crazed recluse invites five unsuspecting children into his funhouse lair and forces them to evade various torture devices if they hope to live and claim the ultimate prize."
Hmm, I wonder what that sounds like?
And that is why NO child should ever be allowed to watch Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory ever again.
