32 Signs You're Not An Outdoor Person At All
"Nature? You mean that thing they talk about on the Discovery Channel?"
You get stressed out thinking about the lack of power outlets outside.
And you don't even want to think about how bad the wifi service is.
This is a HUGE concern of yours.
And if you really have to go, you're repulsed by the fact that there is no running water outdoors.
The thought of this happening to your shoes terrifies you.
And if you're going to get gross germs, you'd rather they come from the subway pole than from dirt and nasty bugs and stuff.
You don't care about learning how to use a compass — you have Google Maps for that stuff.
You refuse to even go for a walk unless there's some concrete underfoot.
This is your idea of getting fresh air.
You need ambient noise around you at all times.
And you actually prefer streetlights to starlight.
You consider mosquitos the worst creatures on earth.
In fact, basically everything outdoors makes you itchy and miserable.
You don't know why anyone would leave the house when they can get their nature fix like this.
You're not sure why you'd go hiking outside when there's a perfectly good treadmill at the gym.
This is pretty much as close to winter sports as you've ever gotten.
Any sport, really — you only play if there's an indoor version.
You don't actually own proper outdoors gear, so you inevitably end up like this.
Or if it's hot, you start sweating the moment you step outdoors.
You know that backpacks are for school.
And nothing else. This is not a backpack.
This is where you go swimming.
This is where fish poop and sharks come to bite off your leg.
This is the closest you'll ever get to farming.
And you don't even get the popularity of gardening because all the food you could want is at the grocery store just down the street.
Case in point: This is how you catch fish.
Going camping is basically your darkest nightmare.
Because you're sure that this will definitely happen to you and you will die.
Plus, there's literally no way to feel comfortable in a sleeping bag.
And you need some kind of kitchen set up because otherwise how will you eat?
For real, you can't understand why anyone would want to try to cook over a small fire instead of just ordering out.
If you had lived in the olden days, you're pretty sure you would have just died.
Basically, this is your mantra.
Because you know that the indoors is where it's at.
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