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    76 Best Quotes By David Rose From "Schitt's Creek"

    David Rose is the best thing that has ever happened to this planet, and you can't prove me wrong.

    David Rose from Schitt's Creek is a pansexual and style icon. The number of quotable quotes this character has blessed planet Earth with is not practically quantifiable. Here are the best 76 of them.

    The Rose family

    1. "I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now."

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    2. "That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever heard."

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    3. "I’m starting to feel like I’m trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here."

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    4. "It's my birthday."

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    5. "Funky is a neon T-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case. This is luxury."

    6. "It’s just one long string of really bad luck, and I don’t know what kind of carnage I inflicted in my past life to deserve it. I must have been Dracula or a spin instructor or something."

    David with his parents

    7. "You look like the downfall of society."

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    8. "There's a collection of undershirts hang-drying outside of my room. Is there any way they could be removed? Or is there like, a Texas Chainsaw movie being filmed out there that I'm not aware of?"

    Alexis stretching and David talking

    9. "Like Beyoncé, I excel as a solo artist."

    Alexis and David acting very uninterested

    10. "I am suffering romantically right now."

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    11. "The idea of me life coaching another human being should scare you…a lot."

    David looking at the camera

    12. "I saw a lot of my body, and I didn't like it."

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    13. "That’s a real quick no."

    14. "Mmm. Eat glass!"

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    15. "I am a delightful half-half situation."

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    16. "I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject, I mean genuine human emotion, so I am just going to tell you what I know."

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    17. "Would we call that pretentious, or timeless?"

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    18. "I'm very uninterested in that opinion."

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    19. "I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row."

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    20. "No, I will not accept that."

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    21. "I was perfectly fine not trusting people. Not trusting people is what I’m used to. It is my comfort zone."

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    Author's note: mine too

    22. "I thought I was shame eating in private."

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    23. "I don't love the way you phrased that."

    24. "I want people to know I am not a joke."

    David and Stevie hugging

    25. "One pizza? What is this? Les Mis?"

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    26. "OK, well, movies aren’t always right, all right? You’ll learn that later in life."

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    27. "I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22."

    David lying on his bed, opening a parcel

    28. "Ok, this is passive harassment."

    29. "Come in, come in. Make yourself at home. There’s nothing in the fridge, and I marked the booze, so I’ll know if you touch it!"

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    30. "Hi, David. It's Patrick."

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    31. "You smell very flammable right now."

    David making a face at Stevie

    32. "Would we not agree that all words are weapons?"

    33. "You just watch a season of Girls and do the opposite of what they do."

    David talking

    34. "I thought I was being mature, but in actuality, it was just a classic case of self-sabotage."

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    35. "It smells like pennies and burps."

    David getting up from bed

    36. "What kind of sociopath abandons her family in some vomit-soaked dump to galavant around the world with her dumb, shipping-heir, loser boyfriend she's known for three months?"

    David being dramatic

    37. "Join the club."

    38. "I plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling asleep early."

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    39. "Would half a muffin help?"

    40. "I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year."

    David looking serious

    41. "This was just a big waste of time and frown lines."

    CBC / Via Twitter: @_schittscreek

    42. "This is a lot of information to process on a Tuesday morning."

    43. "I am good. Thanks, though."

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    44. "Fall of a bridge, please."

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    45. "Wow, that's bleak. But thank you...for planning that."

    46. "You lost me at fun group games."

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    47. "I never saw myself living with someone."

    Alexis David surprised

    48. "Every inch of that statement made me sick."

    49. "Yeah, I just feel like the whole session was rushed. Like, there was no backlighting or emotional direction."

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    50. "You are gonna laugh yourself right out of the closet on this one."

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    51. "OK, I’m sorry I’m not a condom."

    52. "I like the wine, and not the label."

    Stevie and David looking at something

    53. "We are literally connected by a door that does not lock. How much more connected do you want to be?"

    54. "I am not in a place right now to be emotionally available."

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    55. "I don’t want this job."

    Side profile of David

    56. "As stupid as this is, now I am invested."

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    57. "Poor thing is a hot mess."

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    58. "I ran out of eye creams."

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    59. "I love making connections."

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    60. "Shame on you for attempting that position at 8 o' clock in the morning."

    David reading a book

    61. "OK. There is only so much that I can do in a day."

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    62. "Wow, believe it or not, that's one of the warmest welcomes I have received so far."

    David looking down

    63. "We have way too much work to do today for me to feel attacked by way of an imbalanced social dynamic."

    CBC / Via Twitter: @_schittscreek

    64. "I’m sorry, but I know what looks correct. And this situation looks incorrect!"

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    65. "She sort of fades into the background after a while. You know, like a smoke alarm."

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    66. "I have asked you thrice now for a towel so I may wash this town off my body."

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    67. "I am gonna need a stiff drink to get through this."

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    Author's note: Don't we all?

    68. "Don't be a little B!"

    David screaming

    69. "It’s a general store, but it’s also a very specific store."

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    70. "I’m not going to the botanical gardens by myself. What, am I gonna walk around and admire the cherry blossoms alone, like some pervert?"

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    71. "We can talk about this anytime you’d like. Preferably not before 10 a.m., because I’m not really a morning person."

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    72. "I’ve been burned so many times. I’m like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow."

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    73. "Let’s not ruin a meal by talking about the process."

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    74. "This is a teachable moment for all of us."

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    75. "I am remorseful over an action I participated in."

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    76. "Your body, your problem."

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