Skip To Content

    50 Iconic “Schitt’s Creek” Quotes That Are Simply The Best

    They warmed our bébé hearts.

    Well, bébés, it’s no secret that Schitt’s Creek is simply the best — each and every episode is a rare cocktail (maybe one made from Herb Ertlinger's fruit wine) of heartwarming storytelling, thoughtful character development, and, of course, genuinely funny jokes.

    On that last note, there’s no doubt that the series has some of the best punchy lines. The writing is top tier, and it’ll make you laugh, cry, and more often than not, both.

    To celebrate the wonders that is Schitt’s Creek’s beautiful writing, here are 50 of the best quotes from the show!

    1. When Moira suggests that impulsion and melodrama aren't vices.

    Moira says that what David did was impulsive, capricious, and melodramatic, and also wrong

    2. When David tries to comfort Ted about being burned in love.

    David tells Ted he's the equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow

    3. When David shows that he's a marketing guru...Rose Apothecary isn't pretentious — it's timeless!

    4. When David explains who he's into.

    David says "I like the wine and not the label"

    5. The "fold in the cheese" debacle.

    Moira says "Fold in the cheese"

    6. This wildly inappropriate and hilarious piece of advice Moira has for one of Jocelyn's students.

    7. Moira's super body-positive advice to Stevie after remembering her nudes.

    Moira advises Stevie to takes thousand naked pictures of herself now

    8. When Moira utters the most relatable words about terrible wine...

    9. When Alexis tells David how she navigates life...

    Alexis says she doesn't skate through life but walks through it in really nice shoes

    10. When Patrick makes this astute point about David's obsession with Notting Hill.

    Patrick tells David to stop watching Notting Hill

    11. When David cushions an emotionally raw moment with this joke...

    David: "Okay, look, um, I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject I mean genuine human emotion"

    12. These rare sweet words Moira has for Stevie before the Cabaret show.

    Moira tells Stevie that she's very, very cool

    13. When David throws this sharp comeback at Alexis.

    14. Nature? Coachella? Basically the same thing.

    David says that he's one with nature because he does Coachella every year

    15. When Alexis says that she misses being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think she's funny, smart, and charming!

    16. David's solid advice about surviving New York City...

    17. Johnny's burn for David...which is probably what he feels from all of his sweaters...

    Johnny says David is smart enough to get a joke, but not enough to stop wearing sweaters in summer

    18. Moira's perfect RSVP response.

    19. When Johnny borrows clothes from Roland because he doesn't want to be taken advantage of...

    Johnny explains to Roland that he doesn't want to be taken advantage of

    Here's Johnny's fit, as well as Moira's...

    Johnny and Moira

    20. When Moira tells Twyla that gossip is the devil's telephone...after gossiping about Alexis.

    21. No lies detected here.

    22. When Roland gives Johnny these wise words.

    23. Moira dispenses nuggets of wisdom all day, every day.

    24. When Patrick drops this romantic monologue.

    Patrick tells David that he makes him feel right

    25. Patrick has a way with words!

    26. When Moira wants to spread the emotional cargo.

    27. When Moira makes an entrance.

    28. When Johnny shows us that he's totally a social media maven.

    29. Seriously, the raddest influencer we know.

    30. When Moira gives the best line for when you want to pack things up...

    31. When David says this with the greatest irony...

    David says that he's wildly popular, some might even say beloved

    32. When David stresses the importance of alone time.

    33. When Alexis gives David legitimately excellent advice.

    Alexis tells David that people aren't thinking about him the way that he's thinking about himself

    34. When David laments over the complications of his throuple relationship.

    David tells Stevie that he feels like he's in an Avril Lavigne lyric

    35. When David has words for the amount of pizza Johnny got...

    36. When Stevie teaches us how to navigate through life...

    37. When Moira explains Politics 101.

    Moira says that when you have limited resources, your best course of action is to create a stir

    38. No truer words ever spoken.

    39. When Moira expresses her love for Johnny.

    Moira says that Johnny is the most important thing in the world to her and she includes her wig Caroline in that

    40. When David divulges how he stays #flawless.

    41. When Ted shares his philosophy on life.

    Ted says that sometimes he likes to live dangerously, while respecting his personal boundaries

    42. When David explains his birthday plans.

    43. When Alexis yet again gives excellent life advice.

    44. When Moira says that there's a time and place for sentimentality...

    Moira says someone has to hold it together and that there's a time and place for sentimentality

    45. When regular idioms aren't good enough for Moira.

    46. Here's another one.

    47. When Twyla revisits her dad's advice to surprise Mutt...

    Twyla says that her dad always said, "When in doubt say it with a song"

    48. When Moira knows when she needs a mental break.

    49. When David, hanging mid-air, delivers this When Harry Met Sally-esque monologue about how much he loves Patrick.

    David expresses how much he loves Patrick

    50. When David says his vows.

    David says his vows

    What are your favorite Schitt’s Creek quotes of all time, bébés? Let us know below!