1. Dramatic deliveries:
Pizza's here guys! I shout to the empty house. A single tear runs down the delivery man's face. He knows.
2. Pizza babies:
I ate so much pizza at the restaurant that the extra slice I brought home doesn't seem like food to me, but rather, my child
3. Planning ahead:
When I die don't put flowers on my grave, put pizza.
4. How to get your priorities straight:
The only time I've passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza
5. A dream come true:
A pizzeria made a pizza box out of pizza. One step closer to my dream coffin.
6. One of the biggest hardships ever:
I used to feel left out when somebody didn't invite me out but now I only feel that way when I see another apartment being delivered a pizza
7. This truth:
Not to get political, but people who use utensils to eat pizza should be in federal prison
8. The real reason to buy a "Baby On Board" sticker:
I always use a baby on board sticker when I'm transporting pizza home
9. This totally reasonable freakout:
*calls up pizza place* WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
10. This funny connection:
You know how singers point their finger towards the sky to hit that super high note? That's what I do when I eat the last slice of pizza
11. Those times when you have to be a little selfish:
"Is there any pizza left, dad?" [slowly licking each individual slice of pizza while maintaining eye contact] No
12. Bittersweet realities:
[INTERVIEW] HR: What are your strengths? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza* HR: Wow-Weaknesses? Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
13. Heartbreaking moments:
Pizza burned the inside of my mouth and I don't really understand why the things I love keep hurting me.
14. A terrifying regret:
I forgot my leftover pizza at the restaurant so I'll probably think of this for the rest of my life
15. How things really happened:
On the 5th day God created the birds and all the living creatures in the oceans and then he was like, "Can we get pizza? It's Friday."
16. And finally, the most effective diagram:
Place one pizza on top of another to create a Venn diagram showing the overlap between "Happy People" and "People Who Have Pizza"
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