We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the craziest thing they've done while drunk. Here are the ~best~ responses, in all their messy glory:
1. This thong debacle:
"It was my 22nd birthday, and my friends and I were at a martini bar. I was wearing this cute little black dress and insanely high heels, and I was pretty drunk. We were on the dance floor getting down when I lost my balance and fell. I tried to get up, but I couldn’t because, somehow, the heel of my shoe got caught in the crotch of my thong. There I was, rolling around like a turtle on its back, trying to untangle my heel and not flash my goods to the entire dance floor. But I rallied like a champ and took a tequila shot to forget my troubles."
2. This trashy exit:
"I had just moved to a new city and got really wasted at a club. But in my attempt to stumble home, I realized I couldn't remember my address, just the neighborhood. I ended up hailing a garbage truck and he took me to a random spot on my street. I somehow got home safely. Thanks, friendly garbage man!"
3. This tipsy Spanish tragedy:
"One night while living abroad in Granada, Spain, my friends and I drank lots of cheap wine and went to a park on a hill. I noticed there was a drop-down garden on the wall of the park. So, in my drunken brilliance, I decided to jump off the wall into the garden. Except it wasn’t a regular garden — it was a rock garden filled with cacti! And to make things worse, my foot got lodged in the corner of the wall, and I passed out from blood loss. My toes were cut down to the bones. Luckily, I survived."
4. This Snapchat disaster:
"My friend took me home from a party because I was ridiculously drunk, and when I got back, I found myself trying (and failing) to get into my pajamas. I ended up taking a Snapchat video of myself totally naked, talking gibberish, and falling off of the lofted bed. I woke up to find that I had sent the video to my entire friends list. Including my mother."
5. This bull's eye:
"I, a female with amazing aim, once peed into a Kool-Aid Burst bottle at a party in front of everyone. Low-key still proud of it."
6. This shitfaced gym session:
"I had just joined a 24-hour gym a few days before going to a friend's party, where I remember having a couple of drinks, and then nothing. When I arrived at the gym the morning after the party, the people at the front desk were giggling. So, from what I carefully pieced together, the gym attendants had reviewed the security tapes and saw my drunk, sopping wet body running barefoot on a treadmill for 40 minutes until I threw up and then left. Apparently, I had jumped the fence at the party and swam in the neighbor's pool before deciding 3 a.m. was a good time to go for a run. I still don't know how I got to the gym."
7. This drunk traveler:
"I started drinking in Hong Kong, but woke up in Macau. How normal is that?"
8. This trashed stunt:
"I drank almost a pint of whiskey at a house party and then stripped down naked and grabbed my mountain unicycle, which was rated to take the impact from a drop of 10 feet with a 200 pound person riding. I proceeded to climb onto my garage roof, mount my unicycle fully naked, adjust my bits for safety, and ride for the edge. Somehow, I landed without hurting myself. Still the highest drop I have successfully landed on my unicycle."
9. This big gay rugby tournament:
"As a baby gay after a rugby tournament, I got so outrageously drunk that I started demanding someone bring me all the lesbians so I could have my pick of the lot. Instead, one of my lesbian teammates brought me dinosaur chicken nuggets and fed me by hand. Close enough."
10. This messy bathtub incident:
"I took a bath for an hour and a half — in my shower that doesn’t have a tub. Then, I decided to do my makeup, but I wasn’t conscious enough to follow through, so I woke up to 4 inches of water flooding my bathroom and all of my makeup palettes destroyed. RIP, babies."
11. This inebriated proposal:
"After taking God knows how many tequila shots at a shitty motorcycle bar, I proposed to my boyfriend. He pretty much admitted he had been thinking about marriage, too. We didn’t really talk about it again until he (soberly) proposed a couple months later. He knew we had both been thinking about it since the first proposal and that we were definitely ready. Now we’re getting married next month and we couldn’t be happier."
12. This cupcake disaster:
"My boyfriend and his flatmate live in the same apartment building as I do, and they gave me a key to their apartment. One Thursday night, they both went to a job fair, so I decided to go into their apartment and bake cupcakes for them as a surprise. While baking, I found a bottle of red wine and started drinking. Then, I put on Lorde's album Melodrama. By the time the boys got home, I had downed the whole bottle. I was absolutely smashed, ugly crying to 'Liability' with my pants off. Red wine was all over their living room. And to make matters worse, I had eaten half the cupcakes."
13. This trashy strip club experience:
"I was going out for a friend's birthday at a strip club. I saw two tall, muscular guys at the bar, and I made my move. I decided it'd be fun to give one of them a hand job. In a parking lot. Of a strip club. Then, I abruptly stopped, went back inside, and flirted with the other guy while the first sat beside us, sulking. Next thing I remembered, I was at Waffle House with my friends and the two guys. They even paid for our meals. So, I gave the trashiest HJ known to man, but at least I got free waffles and grits out of it."
14. This (almost) swinger's close encounter:
"My boyfriend and I were at a club talking to a group of people, and we all exchanged numbers. I assumed I just made new friends, but apparently I was way drunker than I thought. The next day I got a text from a number I didn't recognize saying that it was great to meet me and that this person really wanted to be introduced to 'the lifestyle.' Turns out, I was telling everyone in the club that night we were swingers."
15. And this boozy bayou adventure:
"I live in New Orleans, and my friends and I were drinking on a bridge that crosses a bayou, which, for those who don't know, is pretty disgusting, brown, swampy water. Then, everyone dared each other to jump in. Obviously, no one wanted to — except me, 'cause I was smashed. So, I jumped — and then splash, right into the awful, brown, murky New Orleans bayou. I got out and my feet were completely cut and scraped from the countless broken bottles at the bottom. I spent the rest of the night swimming in the bayou and thankfully didn't get a foot infection!"
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.