Introduction
Do your palms get sweaty? Could your heart compete in a horse race, and win? Do you jump to the worst possible conclusion all the time? Do you go to public places and plan your escape route? If you answered yes to any of these, you might have anxiety. Are you also in your twenties and in college? That makes having anxiety almost 100 times worse. But, and this is a big but, you are not alone. Throughout my time in college I met numerous amounts of people who were in the same exact boat as me. And I felt bad for them. The anxiety boat is like being in the middle of a tsunami and you are pretty sure you're going to die. Anxiety can feel like you're dying a slow painful death on the inside. You lose a part of yourself that you never thought you would have to part with; your freedom. You are an eternal prisoner in your own mind and part of you is fighting and fighting to get out, but the other part of you won't let you. And that's where depression decides to rear its ugly head. Because after a while, you give up trying to escape and you let your anxiety win. You're fighting an uphill battle, you infiltrated the enemy camp and lost and they took you prisoner. But you know what? It's okay. Because I am here to help. No, I don't have a degree in psychology, I am not a doctor or a counselor. I am no expert of the mind. However, I am a part of the anxious girls club. I know what it feels like because I live with it each and every day. But I have learned things that I want to share. One of those things, was learning ways to cope from someone who struggles with the same problem. Maybe this will help you, maybe it won't. But, you've been reading so far so maybe you have a little faith in me! Let's get started.
Class is in Session
Are you in a tiny classroom with 20 people tops? Or are you in a big lecture hall? Depending on what type of person you are and what makes you anxious, one of these is possibly one of your worst nightmares. (But when you're anxious pretty much everything is your worst nightmare.) For me, both made me anxious. For the first year of college I would randomly walk out of the classroom because I would get anxious. I would go somewhere remote and call my mom. I'm sure the professor and my classmates that I was a very weird girl, which the thought of that made me anxious as well. I always thought I was going to throw up in class. I would get queasy and immediately leave the classroom in the middle of a lecture, a movie clip, someone's presentation, it didn't matter. As soon as I felt the wave of anxiety or nausea come on, I was out of there! I soon began to expect this behavior from myself every time I went to class. After the first semester I found myself taking as many online classes as possible so that I wouldn't have to feel the anxiety of being in a classroom. I was so perfectly content with doing my homework from my house in my pajamas. I was escaping my problems and my anxiety triggers but at the same time I had let myself become a hermit and I was letting my anxiety win. (This was neither the first or last time I let my anxiety win, but I digress.) I was afraid that I would never want to leave my house if I kept finding ways to stay at home. I knew I had to find a new solution to my current problem.
The next school semester I was taking a public speaking class. Trust me, if it wasn't a degree requirement I would never have signed up for that. I was very upset and worried myself sick every time I thought about having to take that class. This was when I decided to try something I had yet to do. On the first day of class, I told my professor about my anxiety problem and how scared I was. He and I ended up having a long talk about it and he made me feel a lot better and he told me that everything was going to be okay, and that he was going to try to make the class as fun and comfortable as possible, which he did. This was the first professor I told about my problem, I even warned him that I might run out of class at random. He said that he would understand if I did and that I should take as much time as I needed to calm myself down if I ended up having an anxiety attack. And want to know the amazing part? I excelled at public speaking. I was proud of myself for two reasons. The first, I gathered the courage to tell my professor about my problem and second, I kicked ass at public speaking!
From then on, I told all of my professors about my anxiety. I didn't feel like I was alone, I didn't feel like I was being judged. And I didn't have to risk my professors calling me out for getting up to leave. There was this new sense of comfortability I had in the classroom because now I had someone on my side. I felt like I didn't have this huge secret that I needed to keep from everyone. Now, I didn't go and tell all of my classmates, that's not something that I recommend. But telling your professors and just having that conversation with them will make you feel like you have a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. This might not get rid of all of your anxiety in the classroom, but this will help with some of it.
Now that we've discussed the classroom aspect, let's talk about that scary thing people do where they occupy the same space while doing activities together!
Yes, sociability. Social anxiety seems to be something that is extremely common. And while you're in college you are always going to be socializing with people or being pressured to socialize with people. Now, I am not going to tell you to give in to peer pressure. That's always been great advice given to us as early as 5th grade. Unlike back in the classroom, it's okay to have an escape plan in social situations. But you can't get the satisfaction of having an escape plan until you finally put yourself in a social situation. If you have extreme social anxiety, start out small. Go to a coffeehouse or café on campus, if your campus doesn't have one go off campus. It's not weird to sit in a coffeehouse by yourself, people do it all the time. Just sit in there, order some coffee, hot chocolate, tea or whatever you like. You can take your laptop or a book and just sit in there for at least an hour. I know what you're thinking, how does this help me with social anxiety if I am by myself? Baby steps. You will have to talk to people while being at the coffeehouse. You won't get away with not talking to someone. You have to talk to someone to order right? That's one. If you're on campus it's very likely that someone who knows you will see you and want to say hi, that's two. . I say that if you have successfully talked to two people, you can leave the coffeehouse. And yes, the barista counts. When you achieve these little victories, celebrate them, take notice of them! Taking notice of your victories will boost your confidence and only make the next step easier. It can be hard to see something like talking to two people in a coffeehouse as a victory. But, for us anxiety sufferers, that is a victory and you need to celebrate it and feel proud of yourself.
You're a college student, you're beautiful, you're young, let's party! Well, actually I don't condone partying, unless you're of age. But on college campuses there are always activities going on. Next time you find one you are interested in, go to the event. Don't think about it for too long or else you won't go. If there's a slam poetry night or a local band playing, go and listen. There are a lot of college campus activities that don't involve you being the center of attention. They do involve you turning off the Netflix or the Hulu, putting on some clothes, no don't wear your pajama pants, and getting out of your room.But don't leave during the first wave of anxiety, ride that wave out, just try it. Once that passes, you'll feel better. If you run during the first wave of anxiety, you will miss out on so much and you'll be running the rest of your life. Again, we can't let anxiety win! So, stay at the event after the first wave of anxiety and see what happens. I'll bet, you have a fun time and soon you'll be celebrating another one of those victories we talked about.
Most importantly, tell your friends about your anxiety. Don't forget them, don't neglect them. . It's okay to invite your friends over and watch movies and then take a day to yourself and do what you like to do. You don't have to be with your friends every single day unless you want to. I know that for me, I need a day to recharge because being social is very exhausting for me. But I get a lot of joy from hanging out with my friends and also from having days all to myself. I found things that I like to do, hobbies if you will. And that's what I do during me time. I read and write, it stimulates the mind. Sometimes I watch movies and television shows, it entertains the mind. Or I do yoga/mediation, it relaxes the mind. The key to our anxiety, is the mind. That's what we have to tame, that's what we have to take control of. Those might not be the things that work for you, they might not be your hobbies.
Don't be ashamed of your anxiety, don't let that be a reason you can't tell your own friends. You're not alone by a long shot, this generation seems to really suffer from this. The more you're open about it and the more you accept it, the more people you will find that have the same problem. It's scary, I know it is but I promise you'll feel better when you become open about it. And that's honestly going to work with anything you're ever going to feel.
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