How To Trick People Into Thinking You Know How To Cook

You can do this.

Today is the dreaded day you have been waiting for. You run into Shelby from high school. Yes, that Shelby from high school. She tells you that you look skinny. You get nervous and accidentally say it's because you haven't left your house in two weeks because you've been binge watching Say Yes To The Dress on Netflix. Shelby laughs and says you're hilarious. You pretend you were joking. Then you panic and accidentally invite her to dinner at your house. She says yes.

Don't freak out.

You'll never forget to turn the oven off if you never turn it on

Via reactiongifs.com

Let me be explicit here. This is NOT permission to attempt to make tuna tartar for the first time. But there are plenty of great foods you can make without burning the house down! Maybe have make your own taco night! Then, you just have to buy the taco ingredients while pretending that you didn't assemble the tacos for your guests on purpose.

The fewer ingredients the better

Via shadowsolrac.tumblr.com

Some of the best foods in the world are only made of a few ingredients! Mac and cheese. Grilled cheese. Fried cheese. Which brings me to my next point...

CHEESE ON EVERYTHING

Via totalfilm.tumblr.com

You can make so many foods taste better just by adding cheese! Healthy salad? Sprinkle on a little feta! Making hot dogs? Add a slice of American! Having french fries? Melt some cheddar on those babies! This makes it look like you're adding to the already amazing flavor you have created instead of covering it up. Which you may or may not be doing. *This is also true with butter.*

If you can't pronounce it, it's probably fancy

Via giphy.com

You say tomato, I say tomahto. You say caprese, I say tomato next to mozzarella cheese. Plus, there's an 80% chance your guest won't know that a foie gras tartine on fresh brioche topped with aioli is just goose liver covered in mayonnaise on toast. (P.S. Do not make that at home.)

Microwaving it still counts

Via whatshouldbetchescallme.tumblr.com

You invited your friend over for a HOME COOKED MEAL. Your microwave cooks things. Your microwave is in your home. Tah-dah! Home cooked meal! If it wasn't meant to be eaten, it wouldn't come in an easy to open box with instructions on how to prepare it (via microwave.)

Get a robot chef

Via giphy.com

You heard me. A robot chef. But desperate times call for desperate measures. This robot is probably a better chef than you, and that's OK. It can make over 2,000 dishes, which is most likely 2,000 more than you can cook in the first place. So, you can take credit for the robot's flawless meal and your guest can be impressed by the amazing dish you (the robot) made or you can tell the truth and they can be impressed that you have a robot that cooks you food. Either way, it's a win-win.

When all else fails: pizza

Via giphy.com

What?! I have no idea why my pizza tastes exactly like the Domino's handmade medium two topping pan pizza for $8.99. I've never even heard of this "Domino's" but they're going to be receiving a strongly worded letter from my lawyer. *Shreds pizza box and mails remains to China*