Did anyone else think that their life would be - a whole lot - different after graduating from university? I mean, I didn't think I'd completely have the life I wanted by now (which also happened to be the life I imagined I'd have by the time I was twenty-five when I was twelve years old.) However, I did think I'd have at least one or two prospects beginning to line up. Be it a committed relationship, or the start of a career, or even my own car, I thought I'd have something sorted already. In reality - being the cold and bitter reality that it is - I actually have none of this under control.
Let's just start with the whole job > career thing. What we all really want is to find a career that we love an unbelievable amount. We want to find the career that is more than a career, we want to find Our Calling. Right? Well, seven months after graduating with a Fine Art degree I am still none the wiser as to what on Earth I am meant to be doing. Instead I am working in retail - putting that art degree to great use - pushing over priced trainers and fitness equipment to anyone unhappy enough with their own life who bites. This isn't My Calling, is it? Please God, tell me it isn't.
What's worse, the whole career thing is literally the least of my worries. I mean, at least I have a job. But, a car, or a love life - or even a social life for that matter - I do not. My greatest achievement in any of those fields of late is a boyfriend who is currently still attempting to figure out why he won't admit to himself "that he wants to be my boyfriend."
To top it all off - and on a much more serious note - I also happen to have some kind of messed up brain chemistry. That's how I like to tell people that I suffer from depression, that way it sounds like what it actually is - an illness - rather than me feeling sorry for myself and struggling to pull myself back together. You see, when you're depressed these things that you feel like you should have, but somehow you still don't, they can weigh on you more and more. The constant monotony of work, serving people for minimum wage. The boyfriend who seems unable to put in even his half of the effort needed to try. The fact that there's no car and no real way for me to get away from anything and everything when I want to. It can all weigh me down at times, forcing those little green and yellow tablets that I take daily to work harder and harder for the same results.
The thing is, I don't want pity or sympathy - especially since I am well aware I am one of many dealing with these kinds of issues. I just want what we all want. I want that Breakfast Club Movie ending in which everything is wrapped up so tight and neat. I want to figure it all out and move on and get better. Most of all, I want to say - to anyone else who might be reading this while finding themselves in exactly the same place - you're not alone. Yes, we're a doomed generation. We might all have useless degrees in a competitive job market. We might all have disjointed thumbs and square eyes from texting and tweeting too much. We might all be utterly disillusioned by Netflix Originals and Nicholas Sparks.
But, if that's the case, then at least we're all stuck in this shit storm together. I'll watch your back if you watch mine.
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