Replacing Famous Apples With Apple Products Because, Well Why Not?

Instead of snow white biting down on a poison apple, imagine she crunched into a corrupted iPod. Or William Tell shot a shuffle from his son's head, instead of an apple. Or according to Greek mythology, and iPad caused the fall of Troy. Well I imagined all these things. Not sure why.

11. New York City - the big Apple iThingy

Jenna Grimm

New York City is so called "The Big Apple" because its inhabitants are so enamoured with iEverything that several of the city's landmarks and buildings have been remodelled and renovated into working replicas of actual Apple products.

Next time you're there, make sure you check out the Empire State Macbook Air, the Statue of iPhone 6, and Central iPod.

10. The iPad that caused the fall of Troy

Jenna Grimm

Legend has it that this human called Paris was asked to choose who was the most beautiful, from a selection of three highly competitive goddesses. They each tried to persuade him with bribes.

Offer 1: Emperor of Asia and Europe

Offer 2: Wisdom and Skill

Offer 3: A hot girl and an iPad.

Of course he went with offer three and the rest, literally, is history.

9. I'll William Tell ya about some sure shootin'

Jenna Grimm

Back in the early 1300s expert marksman William Tell shot a mid-generation iPod Nano off his son's head. Saving both their lives, proving he was an expert marksman, and effectively disposing of a music player that was widely rejected for its odd shape and questionable battery life.

8. Newton's law of creating a killer playlist

Jenna Grimm

It wasn't an apple that fell from a tree, sparking Isaac Newton into formulating his Law of Gravitation. He was smacked on the noggin by a red limited edition iPod, don't ya know. After he hit random on the killer playlist within, he was then serenaded so seductively, that the whole gravity thing just lodged itself into his grey matter. True story.

7. Johnny Appleseed brings the laptop to the Americas

Jenna Grimm

Money might not grow on trees, but apples certainly do. Johnny Appleseed, aka Steve Jobs, brought the apple to the USA, let it be said, and let it be written.

He planted his product so effectively into minds across the country, that what blossomed certainly was green. Cha-ching.

Efforts to make these apples into iCider have so far, unfortunately and tragically, proved highly inEffective.

6. How to create an iMpression

Jenna Grimm

The most powerful advertisers continue to take over every available space in the real and imagined world.

Here Apple has crossed into the art and surrealist arenas, by purchasing the apple in 1964 painting "The Son of Man" by Belgian René Magritte, as part of one of the most ridiculous, annoying and non-sensical product placement endeavours to date.

5. What's more American than Apple Pie?

Jenna Grimm

Introducing the "Apple Pi" - a modern day substitute for traditional American apple pie. Taking something that was delicious and food, and replacing it with a thing that can only be defined in theory, even using the processing power of any Apple iAnything.

Too many food apple pies will make you fat. The Apple Pi leaves you confused and unsatisfied, no matter how many decimal places you choose to indulge in.

Sure to be the next diet craze, as long as it can be packaged in an enema.

4. The Apple iPhone Martini

Jenna Grimm

The cocktail that's all the rage in silicon valley is the Apple iMartini. Each serving includes a minimum of three obsolete Apple iSomethings, blended into a sharp mush, then shaken, stirred and served over crushed ice. Costs around $600 per drink and tastes awful.

3. Tyler Durden crunches down on an iPhone

Jenna Grimm

For Brad Pitt, acting = eating.

While playing Tyler Durden, a character renowned for his psychotic toughness, in the directors cut of "Fight Club" Pitt can actually be seen chomping not into an apple, but an Apple iPhone.

A fair effort, because the film was made several years before the iPhone was commercially available.

2. Snow White and the Poisoned Apple iPod

Jenna Grimm

The wicked witch didn't get poor Snow White with an actual apple, as history tells it. Really, it was an Apple iPod infected with that free U2 album. One listen put poor Snow White in a deep coma.

1. Adam and Even and the iPod Shuffle of Knowledge

Jenna Grimm

It wasn't a snake that coaxed Adam and Eve into giving up Eden for an apple of knowledge. It was an iPod Shuffle full of "This American Life" podcasts, delivered by one devilishly suave Ira Glass.