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1. When the piano wants to be played—it wants to be played.
2. Unfortunately for you, the piano is a virtual obstacle course.
3. And mid-performance collisions can be hazardous to your health.
4. You’ll never know the meaning of terror until you play in a piano recital.
5. On stage, surprises pop up from anywhere.
6. And things will need to happen. Fast. Now.
7. In performance, wrong notes can feel like the difference between life and death.
8. Actually, if you mess up, the piano may even attack you.
9. PIANO HUNGRY!!
10. And a memory slip could lead to traumatic crash-and-burn situations…
11. If that's not enough, when you play the piano in public, you expose yourself to the horrifying world of criticism.
12. Competition amongst fellow pianists can get pretty fierce.
13. Sometimes you've just got to bring out the fists. (How else are you supposed to play fortississississimo?)
14. (Don’t mock her facepaint, bro.)
15. Seriously, the piano world is a twisted place. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.
16. Playing the piano can get you dangerously high.
17. The strangeness of an artist’s process cannot be underestimated.
18. After too much practicing, reality gets really hazy.
19. You may lose all track of space and time.
20. And practicing scales will give you the creepy crawlies.
21. When playing pieces about death and destruction, it's easy to get carried away.
22. You might even start a riot (Rite of Spring, anyone?)
23. ...or awaken a two-headed, four-pawed beast.
24. Remember to drive your piano carefully! Not all Steinways come equipped with airbags.
25. You might break a nail—or suffer a concussion to the head...
26. ...get serious whiplash...
27. ...or find yourself nearly blown away.
28. And if you play too many glissandi, you may bloody the keys.
29. Watch out! You may invoke the wild spirit of a dead composer.
30. Beethoven may possess your soul.
31. And your seance with Schubert may not go as planned.
32. By the way, Robin Thicke’s not the only one dealing with blurred lines.
33. And sticking the landing isn’t just for gymnasts.
34. RAVE AGAINST THE MACHINE!
35. I am pianist ... Hear me ROAR!
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