Awkward family photos. Look @billyraycyrus always giving face! twitter.com/MileyCyrus/sta…
— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) February 3, 2012
My driver's name is Sayid which reminds me, I miss Lost. #Penny&DesmondForever #Nerd
— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) February 3, 2012
Remember how Sun was going to leave Jin but the island made them fall in love again? #wistfulaboutLost
— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) February 3, 2012
Of course @ladygaga will never tweet me back despite calling me an influence! It's tres Maddona-ish!
— boygeorge (@BoyGeorge) February 3, 2012
TLC should make a reality show about a husband and wife who manage a Taco Bell called "Runs in the Family".
— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) February 3, 2012
Unbelievable !! Worst attempt ... at not being funny ! youtube.com/watch?v=oPpzJA… #KeyandPeele
— Gordon Ramsay (@GordonRamsay01) February 2, 2012
My birthday wish for @LaurenConrad is for her to find true love like #Speidi
— Spencer Pratt(@spencerpratt) February 2, 2012
It's Groundhog Day.... again....
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) February 3, 2012
I'm happy for Adam Lambert for getting the job as lead singer of Queen but sad for me not getting the gig. I thought I had this in the bag.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) February 3, 2012
Dude u r pretty hot! What else is there to give u? Man if we weren't related... LOL "@KimKardashian: Khloe/@ParisJackson OMG LOVE FEST!"
— KhloéKardashianOdom (@KhloeKardashian) February 3, 2012
I was sent home by our director @davidwain after my first scene and told to watch and study this. I think he is in it. twitter.com/iamgreenfield/…
— max greenfield (@iamgreenfield) February 3, 2012
When I see a flower I wonder. How did the lord make you? Full of smells and mystery. Colors and- wait sorry, not flowers I meant vaginas.
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) February 3, 2012
Buzzed on Proseco w/nothin' to do. What to do?
— Retta (@JokeDiva) February 3, 2012
Just had an excellent piece of salmon at the airport. #Truth #ThingsYouNeverHear
— marc maron (@marcmaron) February 3, 2012
Photo: Dragton Abbey w/ RuPaul. tmblr.co/ZedObyFqOMGq
— Jonah Ray (@jonahray) February 3, 2012
In the strongest sign that the economy is improving, Republicans have started saying Obama wasn't born here again.
— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) February 3, 2012
'no Kim, this is not normal' - kris kardashianWell no fucking shit, lady
— Alan Cumming (@Alancumming) February 3, 2012
So , I heard Demi Moore was secretly at Miley Cyrus' penis cake party.. Just repeating some news I heard
— mary lynn rajskub (@rajskub) February 3, 2012
@MatthewLillard ........ Bob?!!!.... na wait, you're jesus!!!!
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) February 3, 2012
I CAN"T BELIEVE THE KOMEN FOUND--- huh? What's that? Oh ok. That's good. Nevermind y'all.
— Aziz Ansari (@azizansari) February 3, 2012
Unemployment drops to 8.3%.Romney says that's only because the very poor are finally hiring.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) February 3, 2012
"The scariest things need to be joked about or they will overwhelm us."I put that in quotes even though I said it.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) February 3, 2012
You ever think about death for a few seconds and then realize why television is great.
— marc maron (@marcmaron) February 1, 2012
c u there! RT @alecbaldwin: NFL Alumni dinner tonight.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 3, 2012
Romney's not concerned about the poor.Unless one of them misses a spot while trimming his hedges.
— Denis Leary (@denisleary) February 3, 2012
I bet beavers have no idea what their name means.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) February 3, 2012
the sushi chef at japanese restaurant i went to last night had a really bad tempur-asorry @larrymurphyjr
— h. jon benjamin (@HJBenjamin) February 3, 2012
Ball so hard, let's get faded, le Meurice for like six days, gold bottles, scold models, spillin' Ace on my sick J's
— Brad Goreski (@mrbradgoreski) February 3, 2012
Never!! “@davidarquette: @CourteneyCox I thought you blocked me.  glad you didn't BFFâ€
— Courteney Cox (@CourteneyCox) February 2, 2012
OMG @twitter! Thank u for my Verification Crown!! Gorgeous! PLS send one to ANY follower who helped #verifyanagasteyer twitter.com/AnaGasteyer/st…
— Ana Gasteyer (@AnaGasteyer) February 3, 2012